Dust to Hearts

Up and Downs...

2010-04-13T03:13:00.000-04:00

I've had a lot of ups and downs lately. My emotions have been everywhere I'm either high or low, can't seem to find a common middle ground. My husband has absolutely great, taking each day as it comes, hoping that I won't freak out too badly one day. Which makes me all the more happy that I have him. I realized today that I haven't been very happy in a long time. I don't mean just having a good day, but being really happy. It hasn't happened in ages and I'm not sure what to do about it.

For now I spend my days happily trolling around my RP website, meeting new people, hopefully making some good online friends. I don't do well enough during the day to meet people in RL. I have too many panic attacks, I suppose that's my problem all around. I'm just too scared to do anything I'm unfamiliar with; way too scared.

I'm Stuck...

2010-03-29T02:41:00.000-04:00

If you haven't found out by now, then I have no idea where you've been, but I want to be a writer. It's what I've wanted to do for many years now, but since my friends started dropping like flies, I haven't been able to get past this writer's block. I'll start something, get a few pages in, and then decide I suck horribly and never pick it up again. The worst part of it is, every time I decide to write, I buy a new note book. So, I have a dresser drawer (my makeshift desk) full of notebooks that only have a couple of pages filled out, if that.

I found that Role Playing on a website helps me creatively. I start a specific story with a group of people and it's like I never stopped writing. But, if I try to produce something of my own, it just fails all over the place. An epic fail. It frustrates me to no end. GaiaOnline, one of my Role Playing websites, has a section for collaborative works. I can search out people who might possibly want to help me in this process, but the only problem is: Where do I start?

It's as if once I solved one of the blocks, instantly a titanium wall is thrown up and now I have to figure out a way around that particular obstacle. It really isn't fair. Once people realize their dreams, it should be easy to fulfill them. Or at least try to fulfill them. But here I am, stuck like a kid who is super-glued in the middle of the high way during rush hour traffic. If only I could figure out how to untie those shoes and make a mad dash for the guard rail, out of harms way.

Well Frell....

2010-03-23T20:01:00.000-04:00

I am not in the greatest mood today. I was earlier, being content and talking to friends, reading over old texts from the weekend I'd received from Adam. You know, general things that make someone happy. Then it came time for my History class and I the dreaded news on how well I did on my test before spring break. I got a D. Yeah, not my finest moment. I can honestly say, it's not entirely my fault. My teacher really does suck at his job. Okay maybe not fully suck, he's just not teaching us as well as he could. His main problem is he's not just giving us the information, he's giving us all this other information that is of no use. My notebook for class is filled more with doodles than actual notes. It's not like I'm not paying attention, either. It's that I can't filter through his rambling. And most of all, I'm not learning anything. I'm not retaining any of the little information he does give us. Which is even worse. Three more tests and my grade gets averaged.

I have to at least get a C or better to pass the class, if not I'll be back in it next semester. The only good thing about that, is maybe I can get Mrs. Benya-Soderbom again. She was an awesome teacher and actually I ended up learning a lot. I can even remember things about Napoleon and the De Medici family. Ask me anything about what I'm learning in History now, I couldn't tell you except the first 5 books int he bible are called the Torah.

FML.

People Suck...

2010-03-21T01:16:00.000-04:00

You know I have no idea if its me or what, but 90% of the people I consider my friends are complete assholes. I'm going to go ahead an name names, considering that they can't take the time to read my blog. (Thanks Linds for reading :D!)

Okay, so Joh likes to play around with my feelings and then when I'm happy drinking with friends, we are talking and I tell her I'm jumping on the trampoline drunk, she seems to think its okay to blow me off and ignore my texts. She did this last night as well and I wasn't even on the trampoline. I was playing Wii with friends. I'm almost 26 years old, I know how to take care of myself and know my limit. Don't blow me off because your parents are jerks when they are drunks, not everyone is like that. It's not like I drink that often anyways, usually only on my birthday; New Years Eve; or 4th of July. This happened to be a rare occasion. The first time in months I've hung out with people and actually enjoyed myself.

Then there is Adam. Adam is like my best friend, I can fucking tell this kid anything and he'll talk me through it. He's honest and doesn't beat around the bush. And when my mom got Cancer, I told him first and he helped. But I can never fucking get this asshole to hang out with me. 4 years we been friends, we've hung out 2wice. So, I'm out tonight and I'm drunk, and in a moment of drunken clarity, I decide to yell at him and tell him how much he sucks as a friend because he can't make the time. There's always something more important to do, like playing with himself, then hang out with me. I'm tired of trying when no one else wants to make the effort.

Then there's Kyle. But, I haven't decide if I want to talk about him yet. He's been acting like a douchebag for the past week. But we'll see how things are when he returns from Brazil.

Why is it everytime your dude friends get a girlfriend/wife, it's like "Nope, sorry, we can't be friends anymore because you're a girl." I mean wtf is up with that?! I know my husband doesn't mind if I have dude friends. He encourages me to have friends. Are girls just that insecure about their relationship? Because I know I ain't that sexy that they'd have to worry about me stealing their boyfriends/husbands. Hell, I'm married, WTF am I to do with a boyfriend AND a husband? Not a whole damn lot.

Updates....

2010-03-13T14:00:00.000-05:00

So, it's been a long time since I actually posted updates. I suppose I should start with my apartment. Things are still going great, no real complains about the apartment itself, but the landlord and the other tenants are another story. The first few months here we were lucky enough not to have anyone living above us. It was nice, all we had to worry about was being quiet enough not to bother our neighbors downstairs. However, that changed in January when they moved in. Turns out, they are a young couple who like to throw parties at least four times a week and like to vacuum promptly after each part at 2 in the morning. If that doesn't cue us that they are home then the stomping up the stairs does. It almost sounds as if a pack of wild Clydesdale Horses are walking up the stairs. Not to mention they enjoy keeping the window in the hallway open during the middle of winter. Or when they smoke int he hallway instead of walking the ten extra feet down the stairs outside. Oh, and so many more things are wrong, but I think I'll just end it there.

In happier news, I have updates of my gorgeous nephew. He's doing absolutely wonderful. The last I heard he was up to 16 pounds and is starting to get his first tooth. My sister-in-law Stacey said she found his first little tooth poking through. Good news is that it's not really bothering him... yet. Right now he's just sticking whatever he can in his mouth, including my fingers as well as his own, and insane amounts of drool.

In this pictures he's working on the crawling thing, but mostly he's just pushing himself along in a sliding motion. But he's working on it.

He's playing in his exersaucer, really enjoying the sounds and reaching out for things. And not to mention sticking a few of the items in his mouth.

In other news, my brother and his wife are finally having their first child after almost 11 years of marriage. I am extremely excited about that one. They found out the gender a few days ago, a baby girl is on the way and her name will be Hayden Elaine Graves. Elaine after my grandmother and it happens to be my mother's middle name. We are taking a trip to Wyoming at the end of June for the birth. I've already bought her cute clothes, and things to romp around in. I wanna make her a blanket. You know, something I can add on to every year, but my brother said that a bunch of the older ladies he works with are going to be making blankets for her. So, who knows what I'll do about that. I think of something.

I ended my last semester with an A in Psychology, a B+ in History, and a B in English. But then again, my English teacher was lazy and taught us nothing, it even took her a few months to grade our works. I'm fairly certain she left a few things ungraded. I'm in my second semester of college and it appears to be going somewhat okay. My history professor is nice enough but he tends to ramble and I'm not really learning much of anything. We just had our first exam on Tuesday and I'm hoping I did okay. I wish we had some sort of homework to counter anything I might get on a test, but sadly we don't. Three exams for this class and that's what our entire grade is based on. I hope I"ll do okay, but again, we shall see. English is going good. I'm actually learning a lot in that class and slowly writing better. I'll get there eventually. Our first test was yesterday that I think I did okay on. Plus, we had our first journal check of the semester and I got a 100% on it. Which makes me happy. I got an A on one of my papers and a B+ on the one before that.

I think that's all for now. I'll try to post more often and stay more updated. Maybe next time I'll have pictures of the apartment after being painted. I am so tired of having staring at white walls.

Our Apartment

2009-10-26T00:44:00.001-04:00

So, Jeff and I both agree that our new apartment is absolutely small. The kitchen is a galley and the bathroom is a closet. However, after going to look at it in a new light, with fresh eyes and in the day time, we agreed that it's just big enough for the both of us and our two lovely dogs. Let me tell you, there aren't many places in this area who will let you have two dogs. I was a little sad to hear that I couldn't paint right away, but I understand his reasons. He just painted and wants to make sure we are going to be long term tenants. I think I can handle a few months with white walls. I'll just cover it up with mirrors and pictures of us as a family.

This is the first time since Jeff and I got married that we can actually be a family. It'll be our place and I won't have to continue going through our marriage miserable because of his family's inability to actually talk to me. Well, to that I can say, oh well their loss. I am an awesome person. Tomorrow I'll post pictures of the apartment. For now, however, I am going to bed because I am absolutely exhausted.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Lonely....

2009-10-03T23:04:00.002-04:00

I wish I could convey how much I miss certain people when they aren't around anymore. It's almost as a part of me is missing; an emptiness that can't be filled by anything, but that person. I wish more than anything, that I could be with you right now; in your presence, talking with you, even if it's about nothing at all. So, when you're not with me, I am not whole inside; I am but half a girl, wanting nothing more than to be whole. I suppose everyone feels like that sometimes.
I want nothing more than to have friends around here. Just when I think I've made some, it turns out they didn't want to be friends past knowing each other at work. I really hope I'll be able to make more friends during school. I'm slowly getting to know a few people in my Psych and English. Maybe, something will come of that. Maybe I should just break down and beg Jeff to move back to N.Y. Maybe, I could even get my job back at Wal-Mart.

A Myth....

2009-09-30T01:43:00.001-04:00

All I can really say is, does it wholeheartedly exist or have we made it up in our minds that it has?

- Post from my iPhone

The Purpose....

2009-09-23T17:28:00.000-04:00

So, the purpose of Facebook and Myspace is to make friends and keep in contacting with all of those people you've lost over the years. You know the people, high school friends, old roommates, friends of your parents who you don't really talk to or like but want to add you anyways. So why is it when you get in touch with someone, they seem really excited to talk to you. Then you exchange email and phone numbers and vow to keep in touch that way, but when you take them up on that offer they always seem bothered by the fact that you want to talk. If they didn't want any of that, why do they say: "Hey, call me later?" or "Text me sometime." Because you know as soon as you do they start with the small talk then suddenly they are too busy. It's crap like that that really bugs the piss out of me.

Why tell someone you miss them if you didn't want them to continue talking to you? Really, what's the purpose and point of doing any of that. I have this friend who out of know where decided he wanted to talk to me. Mind you, I haven't talked to him in close to 8 years. Not since he kinda blew me off to talk to his girlfriend leaving me watching a movie with his mom sitting in the chair next to me.

So he messages me, and of course, I am absolutely thrilled to talk to him. It's always good to talk to people you haven't talked to in a really long time. And things are going well and he's like "I miss you, we should talk more. Maybe you could call or text me." So obviously I take that as an invitation to keep in contact with him. So, I do. Things start off pretty good, you know, catching up on old times, talking about things that are going on now. You know, the standard procedure for this sort of thing. Then a few days go by and he hasn't responded to a text yet, so I send one saying "Hey what's up." Then things go down hill. He starts ignoring me. After taking advice from a friend, I decided to ask him a vital question, does he have a girlfriend. Now, most of you might think, what's it matter you're married anyways. Well let me inform all of you. Guys DO NOT know how to be friends with a girl while having a girlfriend. IF any guy, who's not gay, says he can he's lying so he can sleep with you.

So I guess you can see where I'm going with this. It's like that night with the movie, that I mentioned early, all over again. He can't handle wanting to be with his girl and the fact that one of his friends is a girl. So he goes, "I'm super busy right now." He's not busy, he just doesn't really want to talk to you. It's like men go to a special school on how to be jerks to girls. If this is the case, then I'd like to disban that school right away. I don't want my son growing up thinking it's okay to be like this to girls.

My Lost Job.....

2009-09-18T20:41:00.002-04:00

I lost my job today... It's not my proudest moment and it definitely sets back our plans quite a bit, but what am I to do about it? It went down like this: Company policy states if you are over/under more than 4 times in the span of a year, you are suspended and possibly terminated depending on what HR and LP have decided. Now, they tell you this in hopes that maybe if you screw up, that it's possible that your worth ethic my overshadow the tiny mistakes you might make. After all, we are humans, not robots.

Well, this is where I admit that I might have a visual problem. I think when I look at the monitor, sometimes the numbers get mixed up. And where as it says I shouldn't give them any money back my brain registers that as, "Cash Back." Obviously this is a problem that might only be rectified after many doctors visits. However, I think that on register 5 there is a glitch on that machine. 3 out of the 4 times, I had been on register 5. Maybe this is just a coincidence, I'm not sure.

So, everyone knows that register 5 is messed up. If you select 'No' for cash back, it register's as yes and vice versa. So, when a customer comes through, we go through this spiel that 'it's backwards and glitched, just press the opposite of what you want to do.' Well, I tell one customer this and it happens to be after he's put in his pin number as cash back. He is impatient, hasn't taken the time to read the prompts, and therefore causes more confusion than is necessary. The drawer opens and I look at the screen to make sure I don't him any cash back, however [this is where my tricky mind comes in], I'm pretty sure it says give '8.65' back. He says he doesn't want it, but I inform him that if I don't then my register will be over and I'll be written up for it. He takes it and goes on his merry way. He obviously doesn't see a problem with the fact that I might have just given him '8.65' and I wasn't supposed to. It doesn't occur to me till later that the slip that pops out for cash back hasn't. And by later, I mean much later after I've spent a good hour crying and apologizing to my husband for screwing both of us over.

At the end of the night, I end up being short. How much? Well you guessed it, 8.65. That's right, this is now my fourth time and I'm suspended until further notice. My manager tells me to call on Friday to see what the verdict is. I go in Thursday, after I've thought about what happened, and explain to her my ideas and thoughts on the situation. I plead with her, that if I can keep my job, I'll do anything and everything, as long as I can keep my job. But my attempts were fruitless. As of 4 p.m., September 19, 2009, I was officially fired.

Now, what I really don't understand is why the hell do they keep people that call in all the time, show up late, or do no-call/no-shows, and not someone who's made a mistake. I mean it's obvious that these people don't want to be there. Yes, I made a mistake which may or may not have been my fault. If it is, I take complete responsibility, but I've never been late. I've only called in twice: once for being covered in poison ivy; once for have the flu. I'm back on time, if not early, from all of my breaks. I've stayed late to help when we were short. I've covered other shifts when people have been fired/suspended/quit. Why doesn't that hold water over my counting issues. Isn't it more important to have an employee with an outstanding work ethic, as opposed to one who obviously doesn't want to be there. There a plethora of other jobs in the building that do not require me to handle cash.

So, the hunt begins for a better job. Maybe one that will look past all of my firings, counting issues, medical problems, and see that I am a great employee. I can't help the fact that I mess up sometimes. I'm not infallible. I'm not a robot; things will happen.

A While.....

2009-09-12T00:26:00.001-04:00

It's been awhile, but I haven't had much of in the way of updates until recently. My cute as a button has evolved so much over the last few weeks. First, let's start with his weight. He is now 5 lbs 1.6 ounces!! He's also now ok the low flow cannula and doing wonderfully! So good, they even took him off of his caffeine! Which means, he's that much closer to coming home! I'm so proud of the little monkey.

Also, I've officially started college. Thursday was my very first class, and let me say, I wasn't even nervous. My Psych professor is pretty awesome. She went slow enough to take notes and I'd was veryveasy to follow her train of thought. I am, however, afraid that I'll faill because I find the reading rather dull. But, I'll try to make it.

More later, I'm falling asleep typing this.

Hard To Explain...

2009-08-26T00:59:00.000-04:00

It's hard to explain or even express my regret at not getting to know my sister-in-law better. It was easier to talk to her when she was in Australia and I wasn't married to her brother yet. I wasn't sitting next to her, wondering what I should say or how I should say it, and after all the thinking, the conversation had moved on. So after my baby nephew passed, my first nephew ever, I found her blog. A secret blog she had been hiding for the past few years. I let her know that I'd found it, and after a message she had sent sent me to tears, I had permission to read it. That's what I do, every night after work and before bed, I read. I catch up on how my other nephew is doing. How he's fighting along, the cute things he does, and the wonderful faces he has. In my own way, I suppose I feel closer to her. I find it a lot easier to talk to her now, to have small conversations with her, and that's a huge step for me.

As I sit here reading her blog tonight, I realize that she and I have a lot in common. The jealousy I feel towards all the women I see pregnant. Not just women, but young ones, girls that got pregnant while they were still in high school. I think, "If I hadn't been such a good girl I would have been a mother by now." Maybe that's teh wrong way to see it, but that's exactly how it is. All these young girls with babies and here I am 25, married, with 0 children and at least 3 miscarriages under my belt. She's felt that pain and so have I, which helps me understand her just a bit better. She might not know everything about me, but it helps me to know that she and I have a lot of experiences in common, not just likes and dislikes. Now, I've never lost a child, and can't begin to understand how that must've made her feel. How it still makes her feel, every day when she sits by Colby's bed knowing she should be watching over two children and not just one. I can't even find the words to explain the loss that she feels, and how she's facing it alone. Most days, I want to just hug her and let her know she's not alone. Even that is a little outside of our boundaries.

I''m not sure where I was going with this little rant of mine. It was just a feeling. I was reading her blog and it made me sad remembering the funeral and knowing all of the pain she had gone through. I wanted to just release a little bit of that for a short period, knowing that it might not last through the night.

The New Plan...

2009-08-23T20:47:00.001-04:00

So the new plan is be out by the time I start school. Which means, in three weeks time we will be out of this place and on our own. Apparently we are getting a few funiture items from Pep, so that should help us out alot. I wish Jeff would remember the boxes so I can start packing and what not. Just the house has been way too stressful for us to pro-long our stay. It's going to be hard, especially with us being so close to Christmas. Things'll be tight, but I'm confidant we can do it, and if not I'm sure someone might have a slight accident down the stairs. Oh, that was a joke, just sometimes I'd really like to to punch some of them.

On a better note, the little Colby is doing wonderful. He has been having a few bradies lately but he is most definitely determined to stay off of that CPAP! Well, Go Little Buddy Go!

A Fun Day!

2009-08-21T03:42:00.000-04:00

So, after going to bed incredibly early last night. I had a couple of relaxing days at work because I was training the new kid Shaun who is a trip! But anyways back to my story, I got up this morning and scrambled to get ready to head to Boston. It was one of the few trips that wasn't filled with dread and grief. The plan was hang about the city and then go see the Little Monkey. That's right, Jeff and Nikki were finally going up to see the little guy.

So we got there and Jeff leads me down to this subway station that's supposed to be closer to the Hospital than Fenway station is. Well, we didn't find it and headed the long way to Fenway station anyhow. We had planned on going to this market where there are a bunch of shops and a plethora of food stands. So we put 10 bucks each on a Charlie Card [aka subway ticket] and hop onto the green line. Which is pretty awesome cause the subway car was almost empty and the A.C. was blowing full blast! Hop off that one and onto the Blue Line which isn't so bad. One stop later and we are at State St. where the Market is. It was utterly awesome, I loved all the little shops. I stopped at this nifty kiosk/cart that was a paper stand. They had journals, and invitations, and art books made from paper in that was from India. It was really quite something. Then we popped into build-a-bear to make Colby his 1 month birthday present. I do have to say, the little guy loved it. :D I had some bad chinese and Jeff had this awesome onion burger with steak fries for lunch.

It started to get dark and the thunder rippled overhead, we knew a storm was a brewin'. Hurriedly, we threw our garbage away and tried to make it out before the rain hit, but no such luck. After the second flash of lightening it was coming down in sheets. I was so hot, I didn't mind a little water but Jeff was a little frantic. I walked over to Newbury Comics and looked around for a bit for the rain to let up and then headed over to the train station. We never went to the Gardens. My camera died taking pictures of this group of black guy perfomers outside of the Market as we went in and plus it was still sort of drizzling. They were pretty awesome if I do say so myself. I looked around for a Border's but didn't find one insight, so we hopped the train back to the Hospital to see the little guy. After a trip to the Caff where we got drinks for us and Stacey we headed up, signed in, and made our way to Colby's new room.

We got there and Stacey was already holding the little guy. Apparently she had been holding him since around 2 pm and didn't stop till around 5:45. We got tons of pictures of the little guy, some on the big camera and some on our phones. I was so happy to see that I got a picture of the little guy with his eyes open. He had a couple of bradys which is a big drop in his heart rate, but pulled himself out of them real quickly. He was changed and ready for a new diaper come 6 a clock. Apparently, as soon as Stacey put the new one on he pooped but she decided to save that one for Johnny. Feeding time came and Stacey held him during feeding time but relinquished him over to Johnny when he got ther at almost 7. As soon as Colby was in Johnny's arms, he let out a present for him. You guessed it, the little guy went poopies again. All in all he had a good day! Jeff and I left them at about 7:10 to let them have some alone time and headed back home.

We were ont he highway heading back when Jeff accidently got off on the wrong exit. That was fine, luckily we have GPS but guess where it took us? Right past a Border;s. It was like fate said I should have a book today. We pull in, and I frantically search for a book while Jeff is hovering behind me. I pick one up, that sounds half way decent, and head for the register. Turns out, we earned 5 dollars off on my next book! So all in all my book had only cost me like 5 dollars instead of the usual 10. But there's more. I was putting my insurance card back in my wallet and I find a Border's gift card with 2.45 still on it! FATE!!!!! Jeff promises I can get another one, but we'll see! Maybe pictures of the little guy tomorrow! But for now I am utterly tired!

The Past Few Days....

2009-08-17T00:38:00.002-04:00

Alright, so it's been a few days but with a mixture of good things and stressful things. Friday I went back to work after my long awaited two days off. When we pulled in one of my co-workers Nate - who is the best and really meant well by telling me before I got in - told me that we had gotten a secret shopper and basically failed because I didn't drop everything right then an there and walk them over to an item they had been searching for. I apparently was too distracted by my job, go figure. So I'm not in the best mood, not to mention I have to close with the White Horse Queen Cait. The night goes by quick and swimmingly, I messed up my change back a few times, but I ended up catching myself before I gave away too much money. Go me right? Well, turns out I was 10 dollars over at the end of the night. I can't even begine to fathom how that happened. Usually I can figure it out, and usually I'm sort because I've put the wrong bill and the wrong spot which leads to giving back too much change. But this time, I was over, and it marked my 3rd write up in the past 4 months. And you know what that means? I was suspended for my next scheduled day, which normally would have been Tuesday [alot shorter than I originally had anticipated] except my manager Jay worked it so that if I picked up a shift on Saturday, I could use that as my suspension day that way I wasn't losing any scheduled time. One more mess up and I will most likely lose my job, this is not an option. I've got to decide how I can avoid this in the future, aside from counting my money slower. Jay happened to suggest that maybe for a while, Karla might schedule me for more greeter shifts and maybe as an extra so that I can work solely on the floor. But that's done, and I just have to work harder and better at my job.

Saturday we celebrated my grandfather-in-laws birthday. I'm not exactly sure how old he really is. But he's old, and he's just the sweetest old guy I've ever met. After an awkward first thirty minutes and everyone else decided to arrive Jeff and I grew more and more into the group, trying to be social creatures. Bill and his wife Martina were down, and of course little baby Danny. He's a chubby little guy for being only three months old, but still cute as a button. He doesn't like sitting up and that has me worried slightly. Alan and his wife Kristen, whom just celebrated their first anniversary, were down from virginia as well. They aren't as social with us as Alan and Martina, probably because they are still in the honeymoon phase. Stacey and Johnny arrived looking good and a little lively, which I was happy to see. Steph was down from Ny for the weekend, and guess what?! We were actually quite cordial to each other, it's a step up from practically not acknowledging each other before. I'm makin' progress! So the whole family was there and lots of laughing ensued.

When all of it was over, and after stuffing myself with cake, Jeff and I came home to take care of the dogs before we headed out to the movies. After hitting the dollar store for some candy we wandered over to see District 9 which was a really good movie. It started off sort of rocky, like when you watch those haunted house renactment shows and they always got the person who went through it talking in shadow when an actor is going through the motions in a cut screen. So it started out like that and I was worried that I wouldn't like that, but it slowly migrated into a real movie about a man who injests some liquid and is slowly becoming like the aliens that landed in the Earth's atmosphere over Africa. These aliens lived on earth for 20 years creating their own section into a slum with gangs and chop shops and the governement was trying to evict them and move them to a newer cleaner and less hostile place outside of Johanesburg. So this guy who's becoming one of them, helps this one alien and the alien's son [who was really cute for an alien] get to their ship and go home so they can get help and save the rest of his race but only after he makes the alien promise to help him change back to being a human. IT was a very good movie, one of the best movies we've seen this year. Which I can actually say hasn't been very many this year.

I stayed up late having a fun conversation with my two best friends Adam and Emily online. It was the first time we ever group chatted before but it was good fun. I left sort of abruptly due to the fact that I was starting to have a tiny breakdown. It was rather hard to watch them discuss what they wanted to do when they graduated college, and I can't even decide what I want to me. I'm going to college to get my associates in Liberal Arts - Humanities with the hopes of transferring to UMass - Darthmouth. I wanna do my best and be the best and give everything to it that I didn't in high school. But what am I going to do after that? I don't know, I really don't know. I'm not sure that I'm good enough to become a writer, so that has to be something to do on the side and now my sole goal. Maybe becoming a teacher would be good. I could do both, but I'd love to do like high school English or something in like middle school.

Today Jeff and I got up quite early and headed for Cape Cod. Last time I said I wanted to go to Cape Cod he took me to Plymouth rock, but I knew that there was more to it. We headed to Provincetown which for all entense and purposes is the Gay Capital of the East Coast. I loved it. We pulled into a gas station and I saw my first cross-dresser/transvestite. I'm not sure which as I didn't really talk to her, but she was one and I thought it was astounding. I am very much a tourist. So we drove up and down the main street and I got to appreciate a plethora of gay couples. It was the cutest thing seeing two men walking down the street with linked pinkies. I loved it. Then we headed towards one of the five Lighthouses we were going to take pictures of. It was cute, and I had fun. I went into the gift shop and got a shot glass and a worry stone that's supposed to bring luck. I think I might take it to work every day. The next few we weren't able to get out of the car because they were at beaches. And on a hot day like today there was no way we were going to get anywhere near to parking without being at least a mile away. So we drove by and took pictures from the car. The last one was 45 miles out of our way so we decided to head home instead. The day had left us tired and sunburnt because only the sun can do that to you simultaneously. I even think my back got some of it too.

It was Nina's first trip to the coast and she had a blast sniffing at the grass and the sand as we walked up to one of the light houses. I even have a picture of her sticking her head out the back window as the trees rush by us. I'll eventually post pictures of our trip on here, but Jeff has them all on his computer right now. When we got home Jeff showered while I hung out in front of the A.C. for a bit. When he was done, we locked Nina in her cadge because we couldn't bring her to dinner with us. Fresh Catch was the destination, and it was a poor decision. Not only was my portion of dinner not worth the 15 bucks that I paid for it, 11 for the Cobb Salad w/ Blue Cheese and 4 for the cup of chowder and 2.25 per glass of soda. That's right, it's the only place I've been too in quite along time that didn't offer free refills on their drinks. The chowder tasted like campbells because it was still chunky like condensened soup, the salad was warm, the dressing had no flavor, and all in all it wasn't that good. Jeff on the other hand had a heaping plate of fried clams and fish and fries and his food was awesome. I know because he let me eat some of is clams after I didn't finish my horrible salad. We paid our bill and left promptly after I gave her a two dollar tip on a 41 dollar bill. When we reached outside, we realized that the restuarant had been warm. It was literally cooler outside than in, compairing that to the fact we'd been in the sun and outside all day that was utterly amazing. We went over to BJ's and walked around, I got a new book to replace the one that got utterly damaged on the up to Provincetown. It was in the back seat and the cooler with our sodas tipped over and leaked water all over my book leaving it unreadable. Jeff grabbed some dog bones and then we headed home. It had been a long and tiring day and we were utterly happy to be home to relax after a long day.

Relaxing Day....

2009-08-13T22:19:00.000-04:00

Today was a good day, a relaxing day. It started off with me wandering downstairs and sitting with Jeff while he had breakfast. I'm not much of a breakfast eater, so I went ahead and skipped it. Then when he was done he helped me with our room. It was bad because I've been working these past two weeks, so everything was starting to pile up. I had a plethora of McDonald's iced tea cups because I was always getting one after work, and then I'd use it at home for a few days because it kept my drinks cold for long periods of time. We had at least two weeks worth of laundry and other various sources of untidiness.

Thirty minutes and two garbage bags later, the room was finally clean. I went around with the broom and swept up all the dirt because it's hard wood floors. I hate hard wood floors. They are much harder to clean than simply running a vacuum over some carpeting. He took the laundry down for me so that I could do it while he was at work. I hate taking the laundry down the stairs. So, while that was going, I put the mattress pad back on the bed hoping that it might take care of my back and arm issues I've been having. Once everything was done, I sat in my computer chair and felt extremely accomplished. I put on Twilight and timed the wash and drying accordingly.

When five rolled around, I was in and out of the shower quick. All the clothes had been folded, and the last load was in the dryer, just in time for Jeff's mom to put some more things in the wash. They left for Boston to visit my little monkey Colby and his momma Stacey and I was left home alone for the rest of the night. It was a good night. I watched a few movies like Ratatouille, Jeepers Creepers, and Becoming Jane. I even had the chance to read a little. A nice relaxing day before work tomorrow then followed by two more days off. I'll have time to catch up and be more myself. That's it for now...

The Stress....

2009-08-12T14:50:00.002-04:00

So last night the stress finally got to me. The stress of working two weeks with only one day off, being tired all the time, my hands and arms going numb lately, the laundry, and our room just being dirty. I suppose it would have all been more tolerable if Jeff would have at least helped me out by doing some laundry or straightening up our room. But last night I got home, I wasn't feeling good and super hungry, and I go to make myself some dinner, and the ranch dressing was in the cupboard and not the fridge. I would have been fine if Jeff hadn't done his whiney "I'm Sorry" bit, but he did and that's when I just snapped. I threw my bowl down and went upstairs and started folding the laundry I had done earlier. Then he continues with the, "What's wrong?" and "Are you going to talk to me?" instead of just letting me calm down. So I started yelling, and he just kept sitting there, he hadn't done any of the stuff he said he was going to do. It wasn't that big of a list, throw some laundry in the wash and look for my check he'd lost. It would have taken him 30 minutes, and then that would've been fine, but he couldn't do it. It seemed to be the end of the world that I had asked him to do anything. And my stress was just building and building. And then I finally snapped, I started crying because it seemed he didn't care about me or us as a couple.

Here I am, with poison ivy on my breast [please don't ask how cause I really don't know], my arms and hands going numb no matter how I sit or lay or sleep which is causing me not to sleep, and just being tired all the time and not having the energy to do the cleaning. However, after my cry, I felt better letting it all out. Like the stress had been released from the cry and Jeff rubbing my back. I didn't eat much for dinner. I had a bowl of ice cream and then I had to sneak downstairs for a bagel because Jeff's dad was sleeping on the couch. Then we watched most of a movie and cuddled and just were in those lovey dovey comfort zones.

However, I was stressed when I got up this morning. I had this plan to clean and do laundry. Turns out, I can't, Jeff's mom's home. She's doing her own laundry, and I can't take the garbage out of our room. Or, I could, just Jeff doesn't want me to because ... because I really don't know. I just try to do the things he's asked me to. Even if that means sometimes I leave the shampoo and conditioner on the edge of the tub. [I'm not allowed to, otherwise it ends up on the back of the toilet.... don't ask.]

In other news!!! I've said this before, but Adam is home! We had a really good talk the other night about the pros/cons of me doing the gastric bypass surgery. He was really scared, which I found kind of touching and it made me cry a little. He was afraid that the chance of death was alot higher than we originally thought the first tiem we had had this conversation. Luckily, I had done my research and knew the statistics, and how it was done, and the pros/cons. So I was glad I was able to put his mind at ease. He'd been worrying that I was gonna have it done by the time he got back from vacation. But, it takes like a year from the point of making the appointement with the doctor to the actual surgery because I have to go through a ton of nutritionist appointments. But it was good to have that conversation with him, even if I did make a horrible joke.

And Leidy has been extremely nice to me lately. I'm not sure why, but she has. Like, she's been joking with me, and asking me to do things other than ringing people out. She's just been genuinely more polite I suppose is the word I"m looking for. Which is good because it's making work that much more tolerable. And now I'm off to eat something I'm freaking starving...

Yay!

2009-08-08T14:06:00.000-04:00

I'm rather excited. Not only am I going back to school in just 4 very short weeks, Adam is home! I think this has me a little bit more excited than I should be, but in actuality he is my best friend, if not my only friend in this state. Sure, I got some people I work with that I like, make me laugh, and are fun, but none of them know me so it's hard to say "Yeah I got these friends at work." So he's finally home from his long 40 day vacation of back packing around Europe. I got a few updates while he was away, once he was in Spain, and once he was in Venice. So yeah, I am rather excited for him to be home. He went to the beach a little while ago, then off to get his tattoo or something along those lines.

I dunno, I think I'm more excited about him being home than he is. He infuriates me, and pisses me off, and makes me just want to scream at him. But, I think that's the beauty of our friendship, he's very calming which of course just makes me more angry sometimes. I dunno, I guess it's very hard to describe. But, like I said, I am very happy he's home. Maybe I can sneak in a movie before he heads back to school.

Another work day today, I don't have another day off till Wednesday. And lucky me, I pretty much work with Leidy all week long. Really must've been my luck. I hope she didn't like request me to close with her like Delores did, cause otherwise I just might scream. I swear one of these days she's going to catch me in the wrong mood, gonna say something cocky or bitchy, and I'm going to really snap. Like last night Jason commented on how there's always one cage full of crushed boxes. Last night we ended up with something like two and half cages full of crushed boxes. Now, the logic behind that is seeing how Leidy is usually closing with Jason, and Leidy insists on doing all the boxing because we are usually very busy and barely have enough cashiers: Leidy is doing a pretty shitty job at boxing the store. We weren't any busier than we are any other night, so there should have been no reason we have extra boxes. Like I told Delores last night: Leidy is one of the shittiest managers I've ever had and I've had a lot.

The Rest of my Day

2009-08-06T13:08:00.000-04:00

Alright, so yesterday didn't go as well as I had planned. I knew automatically that I wouldn't be passing the algebra portion. I just don't get it, I don't understand how things are done. Not to mention, it's been 7 years since I was in school. But what I didn't plan on was not passing the essay. Well, I didn't exactly fail, I did get a 2, but it meant that I had to take Eng 10: Basic Writing instead of moving on to English 11: College Writing. It's not so bad, it just means I have to start at the very bottom and work my way up.

So I go to my advisor whom I've been assigned and he says "Good news you passed two, bad news you failed two. So this is what we are going to do, put you in math and english but you won't get credit for your degree. You like Psychology, oh okay we put you in Psychology." I was horribly distraught. I didn't even get to pick the times that were good for me, he just went ahead and registered me for it. I took my schedule to the book store and they gave me my book list and the prices. I was just in a foul mood afterwards. Taking math this semester definitely wasn't on my plan of how I wanted my college experience to go. And I certainly didn't want to pay for three classes and only get credit for one in one semester.

When Jeff came to pick me up, I discussed this with him and he told me I could change and drop my classes on the website. I felt better instantly, I was able to pick the classes I wanted, but they had to be night classes. I definitely didn't want to loose out on how much I was able to work, but I agreed to it. So after we visited my little nephew [Colby is doing fantastic! Such a little squirmer!] and sitting in the NICU waiting room, I opened up Jeff's laptop and changed my courses. First, I dropped Math. It was a prerequisite course, so I didn't need to take it this semester anyhow. Then I added History 11 which is all the history of the world up until the Renaissance. And changed my Psychology course to a night class. I was lucky my English class was already scheduled for night. I felt even better after fixing it.

As I was looking up the bookstore hours and maybe see if the Professors had posted the books we need on the website somewhere, I realized that my history class was split on two nights. Not only does that mean less time I'm able to work, but that my class will end in mid October as opposed to mid December like all of my other classes. I frantically fought to find another History class that maybe was before one of my other classes, but the effort proved to be fruitless. In the end, I ended up switching my class schedule again. But, not as drastically as one might think. Instead of History 11 [which is required for my degree] I am taking History 12 [which is also required]. History 12 is just from the Renaissance to the present, so it's the second half of the class. But the good news is, I don't have to take History 11 first, I just have to eventually take it. So my class schedule is all set. I am ecstatic to be going to school.

So, my availability for work and school is as follows:

Monday : [Work] 8a.m. - 3p.m. [Class] History 4p.m. - 7p.m.
Tuesday: [Work] 4:30p.m. - 10p.m.
Wednesday: [Work] 4:30p.m. - 10p.m.
Thursday: [Work] 8a.m. - 3p.m. [Class] Psychology: 4p.m. - 7p.m.
Friday: [Work] 8a.m. - 3p.m. [Class] English: 7p.m. - 10p.m.
Saturday: [Work] 8a.m. - 10p.m.
Sunday: [Work] 8a.m. - 7p.m.

That's how it's going. I even have my school supplies list already and set to get. I'm just really excited. Jeff's gonna drop by the bookstore with my updated schedule so that I can have an updated list of the books I need. Well that was yesterday, and today I get to work again. Another 6 days working. Sigh...

It's Here...

2009-08-05T10:51:00.000-04:00

So, today is the day. In just one very short hour I take the 20 minute drive to Fall River. I go into the G building and up to room 218 to take my placement tests. I've said this before, I'm not worried about the writing/reading portions. I am worried about the Math. I can't fail this test, but it's to decide how low of a math class I have to take or if at all. I am sure that I'll have to at least take an algebra class, I just don't want to have to take something that's going over fractions and other basic arithmatic. That'd be easy, yes, but it'd also be very boring I suppose. I had the right word but then I lost it. I should probably get dressed and get my things together for when Jeff arrives to pick me up. I am nervous, but I'm sure I'll do fine overall.

I'll post back when I get home tonight.

Approaching...

2009-08-03T00:03:00.002-04:00

As the days pass, the time to take my placement tests approach. I'm gradually growing more and more nervous about the math portion. I don't necessarily have the time to study for the next few days because of work. I'm thinking of cleaning off my makeshift desk so that I can use it for studying and taking my pretests. I need to be able to sit at a surface, but with it being so obscenely hot downstairs I can't use the kitchen table. Which makes me even more worried about the fact that if we are still living here, I won't have a quiet place to study or do my homework. I could work in my room on my makeshift desk, but Jeff would follow me upstairs and he can't seem to be in the room without the t.v. on. And seeing as how I find having music on relaxing as I study, that wouldn't quite work out now would it?

I'm nervous about going to classes, being in a room with a bunch of people I don't know. I know I've talked about my social awkwardness before, but I've never really gone into great detail. Well here it goes. I suffer from anxiety and depression. Depression from not having the ability to cope with the death that I was presented with at an early age. I didn't have anyone to talk to about it, to confide in, to help me understand. It grew gradually worse as my friends started dropping like flies.

I've always been really shy, but I suppose it wasn't until I moved back to NY that I started suffering from the anxiety. My heart would start racing, I'd get shakey, and start hyperventilating. It's grown increasingly hard to overcome now that I'm married. But as long as I have someone with me the first few days I'm okay. That doesn't work so well with a new job, a new job it takes longer to gain my bearings, but at school it'll be even harder. My mind will be wandering endlessly about whether the person behind me is looking over my shoulder and watching me doodle, or looking at the back of my neck. Things that shouldn't be such a big deal right? Well, for most people I suppose it's not.

I imagine that until I get my own car, I'll be hanging out in the library in between classes, which is actually good because then I can have a little bit of me time to study and do homework before I'm back home in the hectic environment. I'm rather looking forward to going to school. I'll not only be able to meet new people.. but I'll be able to be smart again. I've really felt my intelligence drop. Well that's enough for tonight I suppose.

Oh! Update on my 'Little Monkey Man'! He's doing really great. He weighs in at 2lbs 9oz! He's off of his anti-biotics. Each day they are droping his SATS so maybe soon he'll be off the ventilator for good! He's upgraded to the big boy diapers, and making his own poopies! So yay for Colby!!!

If Only...

2009-08-01T22:35:00.002-04:00

If only I had gotten my shit together. I could've been in LA with you. I could've been hanging out with you in Fernley. I wouldn't have so many questions, especially about if Teenie is preggo. But I've lost touch over the past few years, and now I can't seem to find the will to ask you questions. I feel like I'm intruding on your life. But this was the path I chose, and maybe it's time I give up on wanting to be apart of your life.

Well, I suppose on a Happier note, I am studying for my placement exams. And you're probably thinking, why are you studying for that? Well, because I haven't been in school in almost 8 years. Aside from fractions I use in baking, I don't remember most of it. I also have to brush up on some algebra so that maybe I might be able to skip math or at least not have to take so much of it. Of course, the reading and writing portion will go swimmingly. I read constantly, as much as I can, so it's a bit easier to remember the things that I've learned. And also wanting to be a writer, I practice all of that on a daily basis as well. So just a bit of brush up.

If we can swing it, I want to take three classes. I want to take English and History, and maybe a Humanities course called Coping with Life and Death. Mostly, I want to see how I can handle three classes. I mean I used to take six classes a day in high school right? Well I cut that in half and threw in a little bit of work. I think I can do it as long as I can find a quiet place to study or something. I might be spending an obscene amount of time at the library. If only....

My Job...

2009-07-31T23:18:00.002-04:00

Alright ladies and gentlemen, I've had a little bit of time to cool down before posting this. But my supervisor is a lazy ass bitch. Let's start off with I've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. Thought maybe she was just having a bad day that one time. Well after working here for 3 months, it's come to my attention that every day is a bad day for Leidy. When she got there today, she was really impatient and really pissy for some reason. Not sure what crawled up her ass and died, but it did.

So through out my entire shift I don't see her. She's off doing lord knows what; either flirting with Jason or boxing the store. Normally, it doesn't take long to box the store, I've had it done within two hours. For some reason it takes her almost 4, even when Ashley is helping her. Well more like Ashley is doing 90% of the work. If I need a supervisor or an override, either Brittney [no not my dog] or Jason come to my rescue, which pisses Brittney off even more because not only is she doing her cash office job, but now she's covering Leidy's duties.

First off, she's lazy. She can't seem to do anything on her own, like bread trays. I've done it by myself, Ashley's done it, and Vanessa's done it. But Leidy, just can't seem to do it. She needs to do it the hard way, too. Instead of making a mental list of what bread we need and bringing it all forward, she pushes the big racks back and takes her sweet ass time. Most likely flirting with Jason. No offense to Jason, he's an awesome manager, he just can't help the ladies throwing themselves at him.

Then she takes Cait [I'll start on her later] off of register leaving me the only one open. Which would have been fine if she had told me, seeing as how I was in the back of the store trying to put some Mickey's away. So I get back to my register, no Cait, and a line full of people waiting on me. WTF! So at this point I'm pretty pissed off. She stands over a cart of Mickey's and looks at it, probably pondering how she can get out of doing it, [and she does] when she could be doing it. Then she askes me, "Are these Mickey's?" Well of course they are, they are in the Mickey carriage and have been for the past 4 hours since you asked Cait to sort through them.

So it's the end of the night. Ashley has finally finished helping Leidy with the bread, so we split up and each take a carrriage of Mickey's. Ashley and I finish ours pretty quickly, helping each other out along the way. Then there's Leidy, who started the same time and had about the same amount of items we did, who still hasn't done much. She stares at the cart trying to figure out if it'll empty it'self onto the shelves. So I'm helping her out 'cause I seriously wanna go home after a bad night of dealing with her. And then, I come back and she's like "Take the carriage, I made a spill." Well that was pretty fucking convenient don't you think. So I finished her Mickey's, and I look over and she's cleaning the belts again. I JUST FUCKING DID THAT BEFORE WE CLOSED!!!!!! Seriously couldn't have gotten dirty with no one using them. So Ashley holds the door open, and I push the excess carriages out and all I really wanna do is just scream and have a smoke at this point. I go in, and she tells Ashley to clean the blue counter... WTF I DID THAT TOO!!!! She'd known that if she was doing her fucking job. So I go to wipe it down with Ashley. It's a long blue counter, so with two of us it'll take half the time right. So I get down to the other end and she's like, you can punch out now. Oh Really? Normally, we all punch out together unless the supervisors have a little bit of paper work to do. So she sends me on my way, probably because either Ashley said something, or because she's tired of me glaring at her. Either way, I'm glad to be away from her!

Then... there is Cait. Cait is stuck up. Not sure who shoved that silver spoon in her ass and told her she was special, but really she's not. She has the same attitude as Leidy. "I'm a higher position than you therefore I am Queen." Well the only thing they are Queens of are being the biggest bitches in the store. So, I'm helping Ashley box one of the isles while it's sort of slow, no customers in my line. I'm trying to box and keep track, and normally with any of the other cashiers who are curtious as hell, they tell you when you get a customer so that person isn't waiting long. No, not Cait. She let them pile up on me, fucking bitch. Like seriously I'd like to knwo what her problem is. This isn't the first time she's had this attitude. Like Leidy, tried to give her the benefit, but no; She's proven to be just as big as pain in my ass.

So I'm running around doing my closing procedures, cleaning the registers, taking all the extra carts outside, garbages, clean the big blue counter, and this bitch decides to send someone to my line and not tell me! I'm like JESUS CHRIST! When did it become so hard to be curtious to your fellow employees. If I need someone to take a customer who might have to wait longer than a few minutes, I always ask someone who doesn't have a customer if they can take them for me. ALWAYS! Well, that must've been too far beneath Cait.

Then it comes to close, and we both have lines like we do every night. People are last minute shoppers, so normally we get people still in the store up until 15 minutes after we are officially closed. I have this huge line, and I'm in express which usually means 12 items only, but these people have been shopping for at least half an hour. So she starts bitching about how it's 10 minutes till she's due to leave. She's screaming this across the store to Brittney who's in the Cash Office. Really, she could have just shut her light off, taken the last of the people in her line, and cash out. But no, she's Cait, and she must have it her way. Just wanted to scream at her that we we weren't at Burger King, and no she can't have it her way.

I've never been so happy to be away from them, or from anyone in my entire life for that matter. Even Desiree, she'd be a treat compared to the two of them. It really is people like them that make me want to quit my job.

Orientation...

2009-07-31T13:17:00.002-04:00

So orientation for college was today. It went well. Jeff went with me, and of course because I'm so socially awkward, I made him take part in the ice breaker that went on this morning. It wasn't so bad, but I definitely picked the wrong table to sit at. Mostly jocks and preppy "popular" girls, but it wasn't too bad. After the opening speeches and the fun little ice breaker Jeff and I went on to my course introduction I guess you'd call it.

That's where I met most of the Professors I'd be taking classes from. That's also were I learned that if I change my course study to Liberal Arts: Humanities, then I can pursue my actual goal in becoming an English major. And once that realization came to me, I realized that once I finish my credits for my associates, I want to go to Umass Dartmouth. It's the closest college, but I want to go there. I want to be able to get my bachelor's degree in English. Maybe, once I have that, I can find a sort of better job than working at PriceRite. Then I can take classes in becoming and English teacher or Professor. I have a lot of school ahead of me, but I'm extremely willing to do it. I am ready to go and be one!

So the next part of orientation was a workshop. We got to pick from a list of different workshops available, but the only one that appealed to me was How To Succeed in College. I didn't learn that much in the class, but what kind of learner I am. Turns out I'm a Visual and Tactile learner. Translation: I learn by reading and seeing coupled with a little bit of doing. So that's it ladies and gentlemen, I learn by reading and doing. That was very informative. However, she did also give me a list of the buildings and classrooms where I can get tutoring and help if I really need it.

We rounded off the morning with lunch: All you can eat chicken fingers, fries, and a diet coke. There was also watermelon, but I skipped over that. I only had a few strips and a few fries, coupled with my dipping sauces of course. I was approached by one of the student ambassadors, who made me feel a little welcoming seeing athat she had to be in her forties, and she asked me if she could do an interview of me on video. Of course, socially awkward, I reluctantly said sure. But when we had finished our meal, and she took me into the teacher's lounge so to speak, the interview was actually not so bad. She asked my name, what I learned, and what I was looking forward to most. My dream was to go to college, and now I finally get to do that. That was my answer. Of course, she probably thinks I'm 19 or 20, most people do. -shrugs- Eitherway, it wasn't too bad and she told me that it might be put up on facebook. So watch out everyone, I might be on facebook. :D

We rounded off orientation with a trip to the library. Of course, I'm naturally nervous to go anywhere new, so I asked Jeff if when school time comes, if he could come with me the first few times till I roll into the groove. I really am socially hanicapped. Well, it for now. Work in a few hours, and I might even post again tonight depending on how work goes.

My Afternoon

2009-07-31T00:51:00.002-04:00

I've just spent the last 8 hours doing math practice tests for my placement exams next week. If I can get through with doing as little math as possible in college, I will most definitely be a happy camper. Math was never my forte, of course I still remember the things from grade school like fractions, adding and subtraction, exponents. But when it comes down to Algebra, I find I just don't get it. So I'm scribbling away inside this composition notebook Jeff got me, trying to remember how to multiply fractions. Four pages of division and multiplication. It was very brutal. Of course around midnight, Jeff couldn't help me anymore because we both have to get up early. I have orientation [at least one] all day tomorrow. I'm rather nervous, and I'm not entirely sure why. It should be just a simple going around getting to know the grounds kind of thing right? I sure the hell hope so.

It's times like these, I wish I didn't work on the weekends. So I could have a little more time to study for the math portion of the placement test. Then, I'm gonna have to find some way to pull Jeff away from his computer long enough to help me. Oh! All of this is just frustrating as hell. I mean really it is.

So, I got this friend request from someone I haven't talked to in years. The reason I haven't talked to her is because she's a back-stabbing bitch. There's just no nicer way to put it. So I'm checking my email for the Daily Colby Chronicles and I see "Desiree Sparks confirmed you as a friend on Facebook." First thing going through my mind was "WTF!" second thing was, "When did I ask her to be a friend?" Either way, I sort of wrote a snotty comment on her Facebook wall before removing myself from her friends list. And just incase it got removed cause I'm not a friend anymore, I pm'ed it to her.

I'm probably going to hell for that, well if I believed in hell that is. But it was justified. The things she's said and done in the 5 years I've known her is just utterly insane. From when she was my manager and made me cry every day cause she was that big of a bitch to recently when she called my best friend a whore, blaming her because her husband sleeps around on her. That's no one's fault but her own. She should have known that, when he was cheating on his girlfriend with her. Or when he groped me in my car from the backseat while he was getting head from his girlfriend at the time. I mean seriously, would you really want to marry a guy like that? Once a cheater, always a cheater. Isn't that how the saying goes?

I'm just fuming tonight. Not to mention, Emily's getting dicked around by her roommate Eric. I have no idea what his problem is, but he seems to think Emily is his mother and expect her to clean up after him. They've only been living together a few weeks, and already they are worried he's gonna stiff them on the rent. It's insane. He makes up these excuses as to why he can't do anything, when there is no real logical reason why he can't do something. Like tonight he's staying at his parents house because it's 'supposed' to rain. I'm like wtf does that have to do with the price of tea in China? Absolutely nothing! Obviously, it's partially her fault, because she is way too nice and he walks all over her. But she is woman enough to admit that. What he really deserves is a huge smack in the face and reality check. Like having no place to live and having to sleep in your car for a month. That'll really let you appreciate the friends you have and how you screwed it up.

The Things I Miss....

2009-07-29T22:44:00.002-04:00

I miss my friends.
I miss my family.
I miss being able to do things.
I miss the freedom to shop and not have to hide what I buy.
I miss the ability to sit some place comfortable to read.
I miss being able to drive.
I miss being able to run my own errands.
I miss dancing around the room with the radio so loud I can't hear myself think.
I miss movie night.
I miss being me....

As life goes on, and I grow up the things I cherished when I was in high school are gone from my life. Doing things on my own, and all night movie-thons, going any place I want, run errands. I love being married, I love my husband, I love the security that comes with being with someone you love. I just miss some of the stuff I used to do.

On a more happy note, we are almost ready to move out. Just got to save a little bit more money, and find a place. Which I am uber excited about. Jeff says he's gonna make one corner my reading nook and he's gonna make it look like a little library, and get me like this chair from Bob's Furniture that's called a creampuff. It swivels and sorta looks like a bean bag, but more like a chair.

My Day...

2009-07-29T01:25:00.003-04:00

I love air conditioning. No, really I do. I'm the type of person who seriously hates being hot. I hate being uncomfortable. I'm really happy Jeff put the a.c. in the window the other night. I did about an hour of exercising today, and have been eating really healthy. I think the worst thing I ate today was dinner. A little bit of potpie, green beans, and tater tots. Yeah, it was bad times. Good food, bad times. Then we took the dogs for a ride. We had to drive into town for cream cheese and more apples, and coffee syrup. I'm not sure who drinks coffee milk in the summer, but someone wanted it.

The house was tense this evening. I came out of the bedroom to take a shower, because we were supposed to go buy me new shoes. [We didn't go.] When I got into the bathroom, the window was open and it looks out over the back yard, well I heard my in-laws arguing. It's not a fairly uncommon occurrence, but it hasn't happened in a while. It makes everyone in the house just uncomfortable, and the tension usually rubs off on Jeff which in turn rubs off on me and we end up arguing as well. So I was very glad when we went for a drive with the dogs, even if Brittney scratched the crap out of my shoulder because Jeff sucks at driving.

I got the third edition of the Colby Chronicles tonight, with pictures. All good things. I'm glad the little guy doesn't have to have surgery on his heart. That had all of us really scared on Sunday, but things are looking good and he's gained an ounce since birth! There were a few pictures of Connor, who was just extremely adorable when he was born, and a picture of Stacey kangarooing with Colby. I guess kangaroo is like skin-to-skin contact with the baby. At least that's what I gathered from it anyways. Stacey was smiling, and it was good to see her smile after last week. I know she won't be the same, but at least she's on the right track to being semi-happy.

I think that's it for today, nothing too exciting happened. Maybe more tomorrow.

The Rest of My Day...

2009-07-27T23:53:00.003-04:00

Alright, so as I stated before I was extremely hot before going to work. I was up to three showers, and the refreshing feeling wasn't lasting that long. I was more than happy to be at work in the air conditioned building. Well, let me tell you, that didn't last long. The general manager Rachel turned the heat up a little bit so the store wasn't as cool as it normally is. Which is a shame because as I was working, I was growing warm again. At least it wasn't uncomfortably hot.

Normally, I love working with Vanessa. She's one of the best, up there with Delores, Josh, and soon Ashley. But today, I was very disappointed with her. She's always been the fair minded supervisor. The one that mixes it up, not keeping the same people on register why the others get to move around the store.

So the store is a little tense when I come in. Courtney isn't her usual chatty self. Which I find weird because her first words to me were "I'm Courtney, I tend to talk a lot." Then Vanessa and the evil Leidy are being unusually chummy. Turns out, there was a little squabble before I went in today. Mainly, Courtney wanted to know if she could not be a greeter because it was wicked hot and she didn't want to push carriages in the heat. Well that didn't go over well, mainly because Leidy is a bitch and likes to sit on high on top of that white horse of hers. She has to prove that she's the boss and we are her minions.

So Vanessa was pissed about something Courtney said or had done, and so everyone was itching for a reason to either write Courtney up or fire her. Well after I had talked to her, Vanessa came over to me and was like "I just saw Courtney outside in her car with Mike from meats." Which I thought was curious indeed. So I'm non-chalantly taking the build of carriages out to put in the tunnel, I don't see Courtney or Mike until I turn to go in. Mike is coming down one of the isles and Courtney is pushing a long stack of carts up to the building.

Leidy comes up with Jason and points to where Courtney's car is. By this time, Courtney has gone back out for more carts and Mike is in the building. They don't see her, but Jason takes Leidy's and Vanessa's word that Courtney was in her car and not on break. So, I know that something bad is gonna happen. Everyone around us can feel it.

I go outside on my break and I watch Mike and Courtney push some carts up to the tunnel. Jason comes out and sort of yell's at Mike, asking him what he's doing out there. Mike informs him he's on break and helping Courtney. I'm not sure there is a prodical on working on your break, but it's his time so I don't see the problem. Mike goes in, and a short time later Courtney joins me as she's on her break. She borrows my phone to call her mom. She heard she was getting fired and now she wants to know if she should quit first or just be fired.

I go in from break, and Courtney's slowly climbing back to her chipper self. She's sort of hovering around my register, not in the way, but there talking to me, running errands, and just being helpful. I find it relaxing, not having to call on the managers for everything with Courtney there. But then Vanessa, Leidy, and Jason show up and they are starting to linger as well. Courtney has a few words with Leidy as Vanessa and Jason do my pick-up. Everyone leaves to the office, and when they come back out Courtney is following Jason into the office.

This is the moment I've been dreading all night. I don't want to lose one of my only friends at work. It's hard enough getting past my social awkwardness and make friends, now I'm losing them and am forced to make new ones. I know Courtney is either getting fired or quitting, and at a very minimum getting written up.

She comes out, and I know she's leaving. I give her my number so that we can chill any time she wants. I'll miss her. She tells me that she was in trouble because they hadn't seen her on the camera for 3.5 minutes. So unless they they have camera's facing the parking lot, it means she didn't walk in front of the doors for 3.5 minutes. It's not a real cause for writting someone up, or suspension [which is what she receieved] or even being fired. But Courtney didn't take the suspension, she quit and is moving on to a better job.

The rest of my night was uneventful until come closing time. Freaking High Horse Leidy [woot new nick name] was so busy flirting with Jason in the back, she missed two pages from Vanessa up front, she didn't lock the front doors [I did.], or do any of the closing announcements. So I'm putting the produce away and she comes up and starts barking orders to me. "Pick up these boxes; Take the empty bread trays to the back; Make sure you put away all the Mickey's before I help you shop the store." Which anyone would thing, "Oh, she's being nice and helping you." No, you are mistaken by this act of kindness in sheeps clothing. What she does instead is, pick up all the reshops she sees, and instead of putting them away as we go, she drops them in my cart ensuring that it's going to take me longer putting the stuff away. Steph comes to help me out, which is nice I suppose, but I felt like I was slacking all night long.

So Steph finishes them while I fail my produce test. Which is utterly retarded, how are you supposed to know what these vegetables are when they are all wrinkly on definitely on their way to start producing their own fungus. I get in the car, and waiting for me is Jeff and my little dog Nina. We head to McDonald's and I order an unsweetened ice tea and a grilled chicken ceasar salad. We get home and my husband has the most amazing surprise for me.....

..... AIR CONDITIONING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE ACTUALLY WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND BROUGHT IT BACK UP! I WILL NO LONGER.

Updates....

2009-07-27T12:45:00.002-04:00

After the hectic week we've had, I'm just trying to distract myself with catching up on some summer shows. So right now, I'm laying in bed with my two dogs: Nina and Brittney. Nina is whimpering, I haven't yet figured out why. She has food and water, and she's been potty. It might be because she wants to play with Butch downstairs. Brittney is trying to stay cool just like me. Today is one of those days I wish we had the air conditioner in the window, or at least a fan that just blew straight into the room. I'll probably end up showering one more time before I go to work.

I didn't sleep too well last night. Well on top of it being hot, I spent another night thinking of Connor and worrying about Colby. He's still fighting along, and might need a little surgery to close a ventricle that isn't really supposed to be there. Apparently, that's pretty average in newborns and usually goes away upon birth, however, since Colby was premature it's still there and open. So as you might've guessed, it's pretty average and rountine. But that doesn't stop us from worrying about him. But according to my Connor Chronicles email this morning, he is looking really good.

Connor James Jamerson

2009-07-26T19:17:00.002-04:00

This is a little late, seeing as how I just started my blog a few days ago. I had written something previously on my livejournal account, but now it's time to say what's needed to say here. Tuesday morning we received a frantic and distraught call from Johnny, my brother-in-law. His first born, Connor James, had past after a long night of fighting for his life. As soon as Jeff found out, while he was at work, he rushed home to pick me up and we rushed as fast as we could to the hospital. The image that is forever burned in our brains, that we just can't seem to push back from the surface, is seeing Johnny cradling his son and crying. We knew then that it was real, that there hadn't been a mistake, that Connor had passed.

I looked at the faces of my entire extended family Stacey and Johnny, Mom and Dad, Chris and Matt, and knew that they felt has torn as I was. I'm not very close to them, my own issues hindering my ability to open up to any of them, so I had to fight back every urge I had in my body to just hug them as tight as I could. There aren't enough words in my vocabulary to explain the urge I felt to comfort all of them. I was never more sad and glad at the same time to be able to hold Connor, to look at his wrinkly skin and tiny mouth.

I had all these plans to spoil these kids rotten. Since I found out Stacey was pregnant, I've done nothing but buy clothes and bath time hooded towels. I wanted to do everything I could, I wanted to be the best aunt ever. So when Connor died, I suddenly forgot about little Colby laying in the incubator behind the gathered family. I thought all hope was lost. When the time for us to go, to let the nurses take him, I held him one last time. I kissed his Stacey on the forehead [that being as natural as if she were my flesh and blood sister] and kissed Connor's little head good-bye.

I fought to try not to let my mind wander as I listened to Johnny try to explain to us how he wanted to do the funeral. To listen to the events leading up to Connor's passing. I cried more in one day than I had since Robin passed. Yet again, I fought the urge to console him and put on the bravest smile I could. We tried to stay distracted until it was finally time for all of us to leave and go home. We even told a few jokes and had a few laughs. But the day was full of sorrow, and none of us would ever forget.

I went to work on Tuesday, and didn't smile once. I tried to stay busy but my mind would wander and I'd be caught crying in the middle of ringing someone out. Even the customers seemed to sense my depression and didn't attempt to have a conversation with me. Things got better when I had good news. Colby was doing exceedingly well. Over the next few days, with work distracting me, and more good news about Colby, I didn't dwell long on the impending funeral that was fast approaching.

Saturday morning came and the house was quiet despite the fact that it was full of people hurrying to get ready. Nothing like 3 females, with one shower, trying to get ready for a funeral. Watch Out Everybody!

We drove to Boston, got lost, and arrived at the funeral with almost valet style parking. We went in, and sat in the front row as people filed in paying their respects. After I was hugged by one of Johnny's aunts, I tried to avoid hugging altogether. Like I said I have issues with certain things.

I am one of the most observant people I know. I watch everyone, I watch their reactions, how they act, the way the move. It's always just something I took note of. So the day of the funeral was especially hard. Watching Johnny and Stacey try to be as brave as they possibly could, knowing very well that all they wanted to do was probably crawl into a hole and cried until there wasn't anything left.

When it came time to say a few words, the priest [or pastor or preacher I'm not sure which he was] said a few prayers for Connor and for Colby. Johnny got up and gave Stacey's words. They were an account of her need and desire to be a Mom, from when she used to take care of Matt until the Twins were born. Connor had given her the best gift any of us could ever give her, he let her be who she always wanted to be, a Mom.

Then came Johnny's poem he found. It was amazing, and it made me cry. Not that the entire day wasn't enough to make me cry, but this poem just hit me.

My Mom and Dad Are Survivors

My Mom and Dad are Survivors,
or so I've heard it said.
But I can hear them crying at night
when all others are in bed.

I watch them lay awake at night
and go to hold their hands.
They don't know I'm with them
to help them understand.

But like the sands on the beach
that never wash away...
I watch over my Mom and Dad
who think of me each day.

They wear a smile for others...
a smile of disguise!
But through Heaven's door
I see tears flowing from their eyes.

My Mom and Dad try to
cope with death;
To keep my memory Alive.
But anyone who knows them
knows it is their way to survive.

As I watch over my Mom and Dad
through Heaven's open door...
I try to tell them that Angels
protect me forevermore!
I know that doesn't help them,
or ease the burden they bear.

So, if you get a chance, go visit them.
Show them that you care.
For no matter what they say...
no matter what they feel...
My Mom and Dad have a broken heart
that time won't ever heal.

The worst part was having to hear about Colby's 'text messages' to Dad. How scared he was, not understanding why they were swarming around his brother Connor. I cried so hard, I couldn't even manage to look up from my hands. It was the hardest thing to hear. When all was said and done, we said our final good-byes to Connor. Told him how much we loved him and left.

We went to visit Colby who's doing well. He had his CPap machine on instead of being intabated. They had taken away the blue light that helped with his Jaundice, so now he was just a tiny baby in an incubator. We got a picture of him on our cell phones, and used them as backgrounds on all of our phones. Some of us fell asleep as we waited for everyone to go in pairs to visit Colby. It wasn't until Johnny's brother Danny and their parents moved to leave that I realized how much I've hugged everyone in this family. We definitely turned into a group of huggers.

We ended the night with a dinner at Olive Garden, then a long trip home. We didn't get home till midnight, which made it an extra long night for everyone involved. I didn't hit the hay till almost two a.m. It was the first time I was able to write anything, and I wanted to really harness the feeling. I started a story, which I might talk about later in my writing Blog, I also started a poem for Connor that I'll eventually post. But for now, I think I'm going to relax the rest of the night and continue watching the rest of last seasons Doctor Who. Mmmm the Doctor [pronounced Doctah].

Vacation [pt.3]

2009-07-25T00:41:00.003-04:00

Day Six: We sort of hung out all day. Mom and Dad both had to go to work, so we sat around. We played Rock Band, joked, played worms, ate some hummus. I've turned my brother onto hummus. Which is awesome cause then I don't ever have to hear about how it's utterly disgusting. Most people think that when they haven't even given it a proper try.

Thursday, baseball game day. Dad, James, Sedeana, and Jeff headed for the big game. Indians vs. Mariners. As I heard it, they beat the Mariner's 4 - 1. I didn't go. Baseball is... rather boring to me. Most sports are, I'd rather read a book than watch some sort of sport. I stayed home and played some Rock Band. [Yeah, played that game a lot, especially when I was by myself.] It was rather boring actually, mom went to bed at around 8:30, and no one came home till about 10:30. I sort of stayed online for a little bit. Caught up on everything I'd missed while doing fun and exciting things with my family. When everyone got home, Dad went to bed followed shortly by James and Sedeana.

Days Seven and Eight and Nine: We woke up kinda of late, the last of our catching up on early mornings and late nights. Of course, first thing we did when we woke up was play Worms. It's like playing Risk, turn based, and lets hope your team is the last one standing. Then we followed up with a little game of Halo 3. Usually, as long as I have my sniper rifle and a high point I can handle my own, but this time the terrain was against me and I died many times. But! Not without taking a few of them down with me! Muwhahahahah!

Then we had left over ribs, white hot dogs that we had specially shipped from New York, and hamburgers. It was good. The best part was the macaroni salad we got from Wal-mart! I love that stuff, and anyone can tell you I am not a big macaroni salad fan. We followed up dinner with a special trip to Honey Hut where they have absolutely the best ice cream in all of Cleveland. Well, it would have been the best if my mom hadn't been so snappy to the new kid that was waiting on us.

Then we hit Wal-mart again for a few last minute things. We had to drive all the way to the Steelyard because my brother absolutely refuses to shop at the Wal-mart closer to us. He says it's just absolutely unacceptable. The first time we took him there, in the middle of shopping he just left a grocery cart full of groceries in the middle of electronics because it was just so bad. I guess that's the price he pays for being the manager of Electronics in Wyoming.

We said good-bye to them Saturday morning. The day didn't start so well. In the middle of the night, a storm had started to pass over Cleveland which means my brother had to start his drive home in pouring rain. It was so bad we couldn't see the neighbors house across the street. Dad went to work while Jeff, Mom, and I sort of just hung around the house. I watched a few shows with her while he was sleeping in the bed. It was really quiet once he left, my brother was definitely the life of the party. Or maybe it's just when James and I are in the room together we are just all kinds of Epicness. Full of Win!

My Dad and husband watched Spiderman 3 while I went into the bedroom and laid down. Nina has this habit of whimpering and running to the bedroom when she's tired, so I went with her this time. I started one of the new books we had gotten on the last trip to Wal-mart called The Luxe. It's actually a lot better than it actually sounds. Before I knew it I was on page 50 and my husband had just come to bed.

Sunday we spent most of the day on the front porch hanging out. Aristo from across the street came over in the evening and we played some poker. Not for real money or anything, but just for the sheer fun of it. I had a few Smirnoff's and kinda just cherished the last night with my family.

Around noon or so, we got a call from my mom-in-law saying that Stacey had finally gone into labor. Naturally, Jeff and I were freaked out. Not only was it because the babies were coming 3 months premature, but because we couldn't be there with her. We made sure that Mom called us when any news came. Not long after that, she called again to tell us that my two new baby nephews were born. Connor James and Colby John Jamerson. Two of the most cherished babies that has ever come into this family I think. Connor was born at 2 lbs and 9 oz while Colby was 2 lbs 3 oz, respectively. All the news pointed to good things, so Jeff and I relaxed and enjoyed the rest of our night.

Monday morning, bright and early, Jeff and I hit the road. We were heading back to our normal lives in Massachussetts. I didn't have to work again till Friday but Jeff had to be back by Tuesday. We wanted to be home for the premier of Torchwood: Children of Earth mini-series [Yes, we are just that geeky.] Nina stayed in my lap for most of the trip, and I read an entire book in just the short 10 hours it took to get back home, not including eating and potty breaks. It was a pretty easy drive, even when the GPS freaked out, hyperventilated, and had to reboot itself three times. Really do hate our GPS.

Vacation [pt.2]

2009-07-23T11:59:00.002-04:00

Day Four: I think I'm missing a day, because this would be Tuesday and for the life of me I cannot remember what we did. I assume Rock Band was involved, mostly because it was a week ago and it was all sort of clustered. There was definitely food involved as well.

Day Five: Started off sort of rocky. Jeff and I woke up to start making breakfast. Biscuits and gravy were on the menu, but mom was refusing to eat it. And Dad headed to work to work on our car, leaving without so much as a warning, so he didn't eat either. Just a big pan of biscuits and gravy for four of us. Sigh... at least Dad had some when he got home.

Mom, James [my brother], Seadeana, and Jeff [my husband] headed for the Zoo. I stayed home and caught up on some Rock Band and Worms. I cleaned up and played with the dogs, and just did random hanging out. Dad came home and we tried out his game we got him for father's day. Turns out, the guitar wasn't responding and Dad didn't really like the game. So we took it back and ended up getting him Spiderman 3 Sp.Ed. and Tombstone Sp.Ed.

So around 4 after Dad and I took a nap, everyone else came home. That's when the drama happened. Sedeana had lost her wallet somewhere at the Zoo. We had searched everywhere in the house for it, in the car, on the porch, just everywhere. It had like 100 dollars, her license, insurance cards, social security card, the works. My brother was livid to say the least. My brother, like me has a pretty foul temper, so everyone scattered until he calmed down. Once they had everything settled, we headed off for the main attraction. The attraction of a life time: Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince! Oh my god, that movie was Epic. It was awesome, it was... full of win!

Then after many many weeks of wanting chicken wings, we got some. I waited and waited for them, something that I had been craving for quite sometime. Good wings too, not those sauceless overly breaded ones. The thickness of the aroma lingered in the car, and followed us as we entered the house. We all sat down, our plates ready, and then we bite into it, and the thing is freaking hot. Way too hot! Can you believe that? TOO FREAKING HOT!

I totally ate as many as I could. We ordered like 70 because well we are a big family, and we love our chicken wings. Well, only about 28 of them got eaten the first night. Dad had some the next day. Over all I think about 15 or so were left after some snacking. Not even a beer could help with the heat of those wings.

[TBC]

Welcome + Vacation [pt.1]

2009-07-22T23:41:00.000-04:00

Welcome! So, this is it guys, my third attempt at doing a blog. Let's see if I can keep this one going, I might just have to throw it's link around so people find it. First off, I just got back from vacation. The husband and I drove up to Ohio after I got out of work the night of the 10th. After a few breaks for sleep, two cups of bad coffee, and an energy pill, we arrived in Ohio at 11 in the morning.

Day One: Now, most normal people would try to at least nap for as long as you could. Not us, we stayed up all day, dragging our feet and going a little crazy. I was so tired at one point, I called my dad [who never answers the phone when I call the first time] and left an elaborate message about a hitchhiker who wanted to duel me with pocket knives after he had killed my husband, and after the duel [which I won] I left him and my dead husband behind.

Then my brother showed up, there was some laughing involved, but what the joke was I don't know. [It's hard to remember what you did last week.] Then dad came home to shower and we headed off to Hometown Buffet for dinner. I picked at the good stuff, avoided anything that looked like it was still bleeding, and then headed for the dessert counter. I filed my tiny little bowl high with swirl ice cream covered with strawberry topping, hot caramel, and hot fudge. It was mostly melted by the time I got back to my table and had a huge sugar rush where I ranted and raved about the actors of Twilight and how if they've ruined the next movies by breaking up, I'm going to be quite pissed. [This conversation worried my brother seeing as how I was waving around a butter knife while giving my speech.]

We headed home and crashed around 9 pm. Well we being my husband, my brother, his wife, and myself. Mom and Dad stayed up pretty late hanging out with the neighbors across the way.

Day Two: For some reason, whenever we are all together, we wake up at 6 in the morning like it's the most natural thing to us. When in actuality, most of the time we don't get up before 9 a.m. Dad made the best breakfast burritos, and then we continued with the great plan of Rock Band.

It was mostly a day of relaxation and hanging out with everyone. My brother, my husband, and I created a band called Porch Monkies. Now, if any of you have ever seen Clerks 2, you'll know where this came from. [If you haven't, I seriously suggest wiki-ing it.] Then we headed to the store in my brother's new car which he named Megan, after Megan Fox. [Yet again, if you don't know her, wiki her.] We picked up some smirnoff's, and coke, and headed back home where barbecue was waiting for us. My parent's neighbor Aristo, made some awesome barbecued chicken. That coupled with my mom's awesome Potato Salad, just made my day.

We stayed up playing a little bite more Rock Band and then headed to bed.

Day Three: The next day, after my brother made this egg and sausage skillet, we headed off to Sandusky to have a good time near Cedar Park, which is what Sandusky is known for. We stopped at this cute mini-golf place where we got this package deal: 36 holes of mini golf, 2 rides on the go cart tracks, 2 tokens, bumper boats, and a repeat attraction. Well, we started off with the first 18 holes of mini golf and half way through it we got bored. We had more fun standing near the tiny houses taking pictures than we did playing mini golf. Eventually, we stopped putting and threw our balls in the hole, or lied about how many strokes it took.

Next stop, the go cart track. Let me tell you know, our family did not follow the rule of "No Reckless Driving". There were two crashes that involved my brother and his wife, one crash where after my husband attempted to be a bad ass I hit him in the side, and alot of cutting people off. First rule of go cart racing, the break peddle does not exist. If you use it, then you're a pussy. Family motto right there.

Then a few of us went on the bumper boats, where my brother rammed me so hard a ton of water came in my boat and soaked my butt. Thank god I hadn't shorted my phone out. It was alot of dizziness, but fun all around.

We didn't make it to the last 18 holes of mini golf, well obviously after the first round we didn't even make it through, and the lady let us turn it in for a 6 tokens. We all played them on the game "Deal or No Deal" and the only ones who made out were Mom and Sedeana [my sister-in-law].

After we claimed our prizes, we headed to Coldstone where they mix your ice cream flavors by hand. I watched them actually need bits of brownie into my brothers Chocolate Chocolate Mint Chip ice cream, followed by a ribbon of hot fudge, and chocolate chips. It was one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Then we headed to the fireworks emporium super store. Which, yes it was filled to the brim with all different types of fireworks, however, it was insanely overpriced. Like a pack of good sparklers was 4 bucks, any other place it would have been like a $1.50. We left with a few boxes of cheap sparklers, chinese snappers, and a weird snake thing that I have yet to light. I thought it'd be interesting, and fun to harass my mother with because she loathes snakes, deathly affraid of them.

Then we headed to a piercing and tattoo parlor. I'm not sure why, or how it lead to being there, but we went there. Mom wanted to get her horribly botched tattoo dedicated to grandma fixed [and it looks super awesome now. I can tell it's actually supposed to be a butterfly sitting on a sun flower.] and Sedeana wanted to get another tattoo. She picked out this tribal design with an orange and gold butterfly sitting in the center. She told the lady that she wanted it on her right wrist just above her hand. Well things started off good, the girl was a little flustered because she had just gotten there from a two day trip from Phoenix. So she starts, and you know how they wipe away the excess ink to see where they have been and where they are going, well she used the wrong napkin to wipe it away. So used the one with the alcohol on it, and wiped the the trace away. So her tattoo was horribly messed up, it was tilting to the right, and the swirls weren't in the right place. So she gets up and leaves and gets the best guy in the world to come fix it. I'm not sure how he did it, but he made it almost perfect. You can only tell it's crooked when she holds her arm a certain way. He cuts the price in half, and gives her a free ticket to tattooing for life. So any time she wants to add to it, or get a new one, she never has to pay again. That was pretty awesome I thought.

So we go home and I'm not sure what we had for dinner, but I think it was Tequila Salsa Chicken with rice. Or something like that, either way, it was pretty freaking good. My brother is an awesome cook let me tell you. Then more Rock Band, a little Dancing with the Stars, and bed time. We were still trying to catch up from the sleepless nights. [TBC]