Hard To Explain...

It's hard to explain or even express my regret at not getting to know my sister-in-law better. It was easier to talk to her when she was in Australia and I wasn't married to her brother yet. I wasn't sitting next to her, wondering what I should say or how I should say it, and after all the thinking, the conversation had moved on. So after my baby nephew passed, my first nephew ever, I found her blog. A secret blog she had been hiding for the past few years. I let her know that I'd found it, and after a message she had sent sent me to tears, I had permission to read it. That's what I do, every night after work and before bed, I read. I catch up on how my other nephew is doing. How he's fighting along, the cute things he does, and the wonderful faces he has. In my own way, I suppose I feel closer to her. I find it a lot easier to talk to her now, to have small conversations with her, and that's a huge step for me. 

As I sit here reading her blog tonight, I realize that she and I have a lot in common. The jealousy I feel towards all the women I see pregnant. Not just women, but young ones, girls that got pregnant while they were still in high school. I think, "If I hadn't been such a good girl I would have been a mother by now." Maybe that's teh wrong way to see it, but that's exactly how it is. All these young girls with babies and here I am 25, married, with 0 children and at least 3 miscarriages under my belt. She's felt that pain and so have I, which helps me understand her just a bit better. She might not know everything about me, but it helps me to know that she and I have a lot of experiences in common, not just likes and dislikes. Now, I've never lost a child, and can't begin to understand how that must've made her feel. How it still makes her feel, every day when she sits by Colby's bed knowing she should be watching over two children and not just one. I can't even find the words to explain the loss that she feels, and how she's facing it alone. Most days, I want to just hug her and let her know she's not alone. Even that is a little outside of our boundaries. 

I''m not sure where I was going with this little rant of mine. It was just a feeling. I was reading her blog and it made me sad remembering the funeral and knowing all of the pain she had gone through. I wanted to just release a little bit of that for a short period, knowing that it might not last through the night.

The New Plan...

So the new plan is be out by the time I start school. Which means, in three weeks time we will be out of this place and on our own. Apparently we are getting a few funiture items from Pep, so that should help us out alot. I wish Jeff would remember the boxes so I can start packing and what not. Just the house has been way too stressful for us to pro-long our stay. It's going to be hard, especially with us being so close to Christmas. Things'll be tight, but I'm confidant we can do it, and if not I'm sure someone might have a slight accident down the stairs. Oh, that was a joke, just sometimes I'd really like to to punch some of them.

On a better note, the little Colby is doing wonderful. He has been having a few bradies lately but he is most definitely determined to stay off of that CPAP! Well, Go Little Buddy Go!

A Fun Day!

So, after going to bed incredibly early last night. I had a couple of relaxing days at work because I was training the new kid Shaun who is a trip! But anyways back to my story, I got up this morning and scrambled to get ready to head to Boston. It was one of the few trips that wasn't filled with dread and grief. The plan was hang about the city and then go see the Little Monkey. That's right, Jeff and Nikki were finally going up to see the little guy. 


So we got there and Jeff leads me down to this subway station that's supposed to be closer to the Hospital than Fenway station is. Well, we didn't find it and headed the long way to Fenway station anyhow. We had planned on going to this market where there are a bunch of shops and a plethora of food stands. So we put 10 bucks each on a Charlie Card [aka subway ticket] and hop onto the green line. Which is pretty awesome cause the subway car was almost empty and the A.C. was blowing full blast! Hop off that one and onto the Blue Line which isn't so bad. One stop later and we are at State St. where the Market is. It was utterly awesome, I loved all the little shops. I stopped at this nifty kiosk/cart that was a paper stand. They had journals, and invitations, and art books made from paper in that was from India. It was really quite something. Then we popped into build-a-bear to make Colby his 1 month birthday present. I do have to say, the little guy loved it. :D I had some bad chinese and Jeff had this awesome onion burger with steak fries for lunch. 


It started to get dark and the thunder rippled overhead, we knew a storm was a brewin'. Hurriedly, we threw our garbage away and tried to make it out before the rain hit, but no such luck. After the second flash of lightening it was coming down in sheets. I was so hot, I didn't mind a little water but Jeff was a little frantic. I walked over to Newbury Comics and looked around for a bit for the rain to let up and then headed over to the train station. We never went to the Gardens. My camera died taking pictures of this group of black guy perfomers outside of the Market as we went in and plus it was still sort of drizzling. They were pretty awesome if I do say so myself. I looked around for a Border's but didn't find one insight, so we hopped the train back to the Hospital to see the little guy. After a trip to the Caff where we got drinks for us and Stacey we headed up, signed in, and made our way to Colby's new room. 


We got there and Stacey was already holding the little guy. Apparently she had been holding him since around 2 pm and didn't stop till around 5:45. We got tons of pictures of the little guy, some on the big camera and some on our phones. I was so happy to see that I got a picture of the little guy with his eyes open. He had a couple of bradys which is a big drop in his heart rate, but pulled himself out of them real quickly. He was changed and ready for a new diaper come 6 a clock. Apparently, as soon as Stacey put the new one on he pooped but she decided to save that one for Johnny. Feeding time came and Stacey held him during feeding time but relinquished him over to Johnny when he got ther at almost 7. As soon as Colby was in Johnny's arms, he let out a present for him. You guessed it, the little guy went poopies again. All in all he had a good day! Jeff and I left them at about 7:10 to let them have some alone time and headed back home.


We were ont he highway heading back when Jeff accidently got off on the wrong exit. That was fine, luckily we have GPS but guess where it took us? Right past a Border;s. It was like fate said I should have a book today. We pull in, and I frantically search for a book while Jeff is hovering behind me. I pick one up, that sounds half way decent, and head for the register. Turns out, we earned 5 dollars off on my next book! So all in all my book had only cost me like 5 dollars instead of the usual 10. But there's more. I was putting my insurance card back in my wallet and I find a Border's gift card with 2.45 still on it! FATE!!!!! Jeff promises I can get another one, but we'll see! Maybe pictures of the little guy tomorrow! But for now I am utterly tired!

The Past Few Days....

Alright, so it's been a few days but with a mixture of good things and stressful things. Friday I went back to work after my long awaited two days off. When we pulled in one of my co-workers Nate - who is the best and really meant well by telling me before I got in - told me that we had gotten a secret shopper and basically failed because I didn't drop everything right then an there and walk them over to an item they had been searching for. I apparently was too distracted by my job, go figure. So I'm not in the best mood, not to mention I have to close with the White Horse Queen Cait. The night goes by quick and swimmingly, I messed up my change back a few times, but I ended up catching myself before I gave away too much money. Go me right? Well, turns out I was 10 dollars over at the end of the night. I can't even begine to fathom how that happened. Usually I can figure it out, and usually I'm sort because I've put the wrong bill and the wrong spot which leads to giving back too much change. But this time, I was over, and it marked my 3rd write up in the past 4 months. And you know what that means? I was suspended for my next scheduled day, which normally would have been Tuesday [alot shorter than I originally had anticipated] except my manager Jay worked it so that if I picked up a shift on Saturday, I could use that as my suspension day that way I wasn't losing any scheduled time. One more mess up and I will most likely lose my job, this is not an option. I've got to decide how I can avoid this in the future, aside from counting my money slower. Jay happened to suggest that maybe for a while, Karla might schedule me for more greeter shifts and maybe as an extra so that I can work solely on the floor. But that's done, and I just have to work harder and better at my job.

Saturday we celebrated my grandfather-in-laws birthday. I'm not exactly sure how old he really is. But he's old, and he's just the sweetest old guy I've ever met. After an awkward first thirty minutes and everyone else decided to arrive Jeff and I grew more and more into the group, trying to be social creatures. Bill and his wife Martina were down, and of course little baby Danny. He's a chubby little guy for being only three months old, but still cute as a button. He doesn't like sitting up and that has me worried slightly. Alan and his wife Kristen, whom just celebrated their first anniversary, were down from virginia as well. They aren't as social with us as Alan and Martina, probably because they are still in the honeymoon phase. Stacey and Johnny arrived looking good and a little lively, which I was happy to see. Steph was down from Ny for the weekend, and guess what?! We were actually quite cordial to each other, it's a step up from practically not acknowledging each other before. I'm makin' progress! So the whole family was there and lots of laughing ensued.

When all of it was over, and after stuffing myself with cake, Jeff and I came home to take care of the dogs before we headed out to the movies. After hitting the dollar store for some candy we wandered over to see District 9 which was a really good movie. It started off sort of rocky, like when you watch those haunted house renactment shows and they always got the person who went through it talking in shadow when an actor is going through the motions in a cut screen. So it started out like that and I was worried that I wouldn't like that, but it slowly migrated into a real movie about a man who injests some liquid and is slowly becoming like the aliens that landed in the Earth's atmosphere over Africa. These aliens lived on earth for 20 years creating their own section into a slum with gangs and chop shops and the governement was trying to evict them and move them to a newer cleaner and less hostile place outside of Johanesburg. So this guy who's becoming one of them, helps this one alien and the alien's son [who was really cute for an alien] get to their ship and go home so they can get help and save the rest of his race but only after he makes the alien promise to help him change back to being a human. IT was a very good movie, one of the best movies we've seen this year. Which I can actually say hasn't been very many this year.

I stayed up late having a fun conversation with my two best friends Adam and Emily online. It was the first time we ever group chatted before but it was good fun. I left sort of abruptly due to the fact that I was starting to have a tiny breakdown. It was rather hard to watch them discuss what they wanted to do when they graduated college, and I can't even decide what I want to me. I'm going to college to get my associates in Liberal Arts - Humanities with the hopes of transferring to UMass - Darthmouth. I wanna do my best and be the best and give everything to it that I didn't in high school. But what am I going to do after that? I don't know, I really don't know. I'm not sure that I'm good enough to become a writer, so that has to be something to do on the side and now my sole goal. Maybe becoming a teacher would be good. I could do both, but I'd love to do like high school English or something in like middle school.

Today Jeff and I got up quite early and headed for Cape Cod. Last time I said I wanted to go to Cape Cod he took me to Plymouth rock, but I knew that there was more to it. We headed to Provincetown which for all entense and purposes is the Gay Capital of the East Coast. I loved it. We pulled into a gas station and I saw my first cross-dresser/transvestite. I'm not sure which as I didn't really talk to her, but she was one and I thought it was astounding. I am very much a tourist. So we drove up and down the main street and I got to appreciate a plethora of gay couples. It was the cutest thing seeing two men walking down the street with linked pinkies. I loved it. Then we headed towards one of the five Lighthouses we were going to take pictures of. It was cute, and I had fun. I went into the gift shop and got a shot glass and a worry stone that's supposed to bring luck. I think I might take it to work every day. The next few we weren't able to get out of the car because they were at beaches. And on a hot day like today there was no way we were going to get anywhere near to parking without being at least a mile away. So we drove by and took pictures from the car. The last one was 45 miles out of our way so we decided to head home instead. The day had left us tired and sunburnt because only the sun can do that to you simultaneously. I even think my back got some of it too.

It was Nina's first trip to the coast and she had a blast sniffing at the grass and the sand as we walked up to one of the light houses. I even have a picture of her sticking her head out the back window as the trees rush by us. I'll eventually post pictures of our trip on here, but Jeff has them all on his computer right now. When we got home Jeff showered while I hung out in front of the A.C. for a bit. When he was done, we locked Nina in her cadge because we couldn't bring her to dinner with us. Fresh Catch was the destination, and it was a poor decision. Not only was my portion of dinner not worth the 15 bucks that I paid for it, 11 for the Cobb Salad w/ Blue Cheese and 4 for the cup of chowder and 2.25 per glass of soda. That's right, it's the only place I've been too in quite along time that didn't offer free refills on their drinks. The chowder tasted like campbells because it was still chunky like condensened soup, the salad was warm, the dressing had no flavor, and all in all it wasn't that good. Jeff on the other hand had a heaping plate of fried clams and fish and fries and his food was awesome. I know because he let me eat some of is clams after I didn't finish my horrible salad. We paid our bill and left promptly after I gave her a two dollar tip on a 41 dollar bill. When we reached outside, we realized that the restuarant had been warm. It was literally cooler outside than in, compairing that to the fact we'd been in the sun and outside all day that was utterly amazing. We went over to BJ's and walked around, I got a new book to replace the one that got utterly damaged on the up to Provincetown. It was in the back seat and the cooler with our sodas tipped over and leaked water all over my book leaving it unreadable. Jeff grabbed some dog bones and then we headed home. It had been a long and tiring day and we were utterly happy to be home to relax after a long day.

Relaxing Day....

Today was a good day, a relaxing day. It started off with me wandering downstairs and sitting with Jeff while he had breakfast. I'm not much of a breakfast eater, so I went ahead and skipped it. Then when he was done he helped me with our room. It was bad because I've been working these past two weeks, so everything was starting to pile up. I had a plethora of McDonald's iced tea cups because I was always getting one after work, and then I'd use it at home for a few days because it kept my drinks cold for long periods of time. We had at least two weeks worth of laundry and other various sources of untidiness. 


Thirty minutes and two garbage bags later, the room was finally clean. I went around with the broom and swept up all the dirt because it's hard wood floors. I hate hard wood floors. They are much harder to clean than simply  running a vacuum over some carpeting. He took the laundry down for me so that I could do it while he was at work. I hate taking the laundry down the stairs. So, while that was going, I put the mattress pad back on the bed hoping that it might take care of my back and arm issues I've been having. Once everything was done, I sat in my computer chair and felt extremely accomplished. I put on Twilight and timed the wash and drying accordingly. 


When five rolled around, I was in and out of the shower quick. All the clothes had been folded, and the last load was in the dryer, just in time for Jeff's mom to put some more things in the wash. They left for Boston to visit my little monkey Colby and his momma Stacey and I was left home alone for the rest of the night. It was a good night. I watched a few movies like Ratatouille, Jeepers Creepers, and Becoming Jane. I even had the chance to read a little. A nice relaxing day before work tomorrow then followed by two more days off. I'll have time to catch up and be more myself. That's it for now... 

The Stress....

So last night the stress finally got to me. The stress of working two weeks with only one day off, being tired all the time, my hands and arms going numb lately, the laundry, and our room just being dirty. I suppose it would have all been more tolerable if Jeff would have at least helped me out by doing some laundry or straightening up our room. But last night I got home, I wasn't feeling good and super hungry, and I go to make myself some dinner, and the ranch dressing was in the cupboard and not the fridge. I would have been fine if Jeff hadn't done his whiney "I'm Sorry" bit, but he did and that's when I just snapped. I threw my bowl down and went upstairs and started folding the laundry I had done earlier. Then he continues with the, "What's wrong?" and "Are you going to talk to me?" instead of just letting me calm down. So I started yelling, and he just kept sitting there, he hadn't done any of the stuff he said he was going to do. It wasn't that big of a list, throw some laundry in the wash and look for my check he'd lost. It would have taken him 30 minutes, and then that would've been fine, but he couldn't do it. It seemed to be the end of the world that I had asked him to do anything. And my stress was just building and building. And then I finally snapped, I started crying because it seemed he didn't care about me or us as a couple.

Here I am, with poison ivy on my breast [please don't ask how cause I really don't know], my arms and hands going numb no matter how I sit or lay or sleep which is causing me not to sleep, and just being tired all the time and not having the energy to do the cleaning. However, after my cry, I felt better letting it all out. Like the stress had been released from the cry and Jeff rubbing my back. I didn't eat much for dinner. I had a bowl of ice cream and then I had to sneak downstairs for a bagel because Jeff's dad was sleeping on the couch. Then we watched most of a movie and cuddled and just were in those lovey dovey comfort zones.

However, I was stressed when I got up this morning. I had this plan to clean and do laundry. Turns out, I can't, Jeff's mom's home. She's doing her own laundry, and I can't take the garbage out of our room. Or, I could, just Jeff doesn't want me to because ... because I really don't know. I just try to do the things he's asked me to. Even if that means sometimes I leave the shampoo and conditioner on the edge of the tub. [I'm not allowed to, otherwise it ends up on the back of the toilet.... don't ask.]

In other news!!! I've said this before, but Adam is home! We had a really good talk the other night about the pros/cons of me doing the gastric bypass surgery. He was really scared, which I found kind of touching and it made me cry a little. He was afraid that the chance of death was alot higher than we originally thought the first tiem we had had this conversation. Luckily, I had done my research and knew the statistics, and how it was done, and the pros/cons. So I was glad I was able to put his mind at ease. He'd been worrying that I was gonna have it done by the time he got back from vacation. But, it takes like a year from the point of making the appointement with the doctor to the actual surgery because I have to go through a ton of nutritionist appointments. But it was good to have that conversation with him, even if I did make a horrible joke.

And Leidy has been extremely nice to me lately. I'm not sure why, but she has. Like, she's been joking with me, and asking me to do things other than ringing people out. She's just been genuinely more polite I suppose is the word I"m looking for. Which is good because it's making work that much more tolerable. And now I'm off to eat something I'm freaking starving...

Yay!

I'm rather excited. Not only am I going back to school in just 4 very short weeks, Adam is home! I think this has me a little bit more excited than I should be, but in actuality he is my best friend, if not my only friend in this state. Sure, I got some people I work with that I like, make me laugh, and are fun, but none of them know me so it's hard to say "Yeah I got these friends at work." So he's finally home from his long 40 day vacation of back packing around Europe. I got a few updates while he was away, once he was in Spain, and once he was in Venice. So yeah, I am rather excited for him to be home. He went to the beach a little while ago, then off to get his tattoo or something along those lines.


I dunno, I think I'm more excited about him being home than he is. He infuriates me, and pisses me off, and makes me just want to scream at him. But, I think that's the beauty of our friendship, he's very calming which of course just makes me more angry sometimes. I dunno, I guess it's very hard to describe. But, like I said, I am very happy he's home. Maybe I can sneak in a movie before he heads back to school.


Another work day today, I don't have another day off till Wednesday. And lucky me, I pretty much work with Leidy all week long. Really must've been my luck. I hope she didn't like request me to close with her like Delores did, cause otherwise I just might scream. I swear one of these days she's going to catch me in the wrong mood, gonna say something cocky or bitchy, and I'm going to really snap. Like last night Jason commented on how there's always one cage full of crushed boxes. Last night we ended up with something like two and half cages full of crushed boxes. Now, the logic behind that is seeing how Leidy is usually closing with Jason, and Leidy insists on doing all the boxing because we are usually very busy and barely have enough cashiers: Leidy is doing a pretty shitty job at boxing the store. We weren't any busier than we are any other night, so there should have been no reason we have extra boxes. Like I told Delores last night: Leidy is one of the shittiest managers I've ever had and I've had a lot. 

The Rest of my Day

Alright, so yesterday didn't go as well as I had planned. I knew automatically that I wouldn't be passing the algebra portion. I just don't get it, I don't understand how things are done. Not to mention, it's been 7 years since I was in school. But what I didn't plan on was not passing the essay. Well, I didn't exactly fail, I did get a 2, but it meant that I had to take Eng 10: Basic Writing instead of moving on to English 11: College Writing. It's not so bad, it just means I have to start at the very bottom and work my way up. 


So I go to my advisor whom I've been assigned and he says "Good news you passed two, bad news you failed two. So this is what we are going to do, put you in math and english but you won't get credit for your degree. You like Psychology, oh okay we put you in Psychology." I was horribly distraught. I didn't even get to pick the times that were good for me, he just went ahead and registered me for it. I took my schedule to the book store and they gave me my book list and the prices. I was just in a foul mood afterwards. Taking math this semester definitely wasn't on my plan of how I wanted my college experience to go. And I certainly didn't want to pay for three classes and only get credit for one in one semester. 


When Jeff came to pick me up, I discussed this with him and he told me I could change and drop my classes on the website. I felt better instantly, I was able to pick the classes I wanted, but they had to be night classes. I definitely didn't want to loose out on how much I was able to work, but I agreed to it. So after we visited my little nephew [Colby is doing fantastic! Such a little squirmer!] and sitting in the NICU waiting room, I opened up Jeff's laptop and changed my courses. First, I dropped Math. It was a prerequisite course, so I didn't need to take it this semester anyhow. Then I added History 11 which is all the history of the world up until the Renaissance. And changed my Psychology course to a night class. I was lucky my English class was already scheduled for night. I felt even better after fixing it. 


As I was looking up the bookstore hours and maybe see if the Professors had posted the books we need on the website somewhere, I realized that my history class was split on two nights. Not only does that mean less time I'm able to work, but that my class will end in mid October as opposed to mid December like all of my other classes. I frantically fought to find another History class that maybe was before one of my other classes, but the effort proved to be fruitless. In the end, I ended up switching my class schedule again. But, not as drastically as one might think. Instead of History 11 [which is required for my degree] I am taking History 12 [which is also required]. History 12 is just from the Renaissance to the present, so it's the second half of the class. But the good news is, I don't have to take History 11 first, I just have to eventually take it. So my class schedule is all set. I am ecstatic to be going to school. 


So, my availability for work and school is as follows:


Monday : [Work] 8a.m. - 3p.m. [Class] History 4p.m. - 7p.m.
Tuesday: [Work] 4:30p.m. - 10p.m.
Wednesday: [Work] 4:30p.m. - 10p.m.
Thursday: [Work] 8a.m. - 3p.m. [Class] Psychology: 4p.m. - 7p.m.
Friday: [Work] 8a.m. - 3p.m. [Class] English: 7p.m. - 10p.m.
Saturday: [Work] 8a.m. - 10p.m.
Sunday: [Work] 8a.m. - 7p.m.


That's how it's going. I even have my school supplies list already and set to get. I'm just really excited. Jeff's gonna drop by the bookstore with my updated schedule so that I can have an updated list of the books I need. Well that was yesterday, and today I get to work again. Another 6 days working. Sigh...

It's Here...

So, today is the day. In just one very short hour I take the 20 minute drive to Fall River. I go into the G building and up to room 218 to take my placement tests. I've said this before, I'm not worried about the writing/reading portions. I am worried about the Math. I can't fail this test, but it's to decide how low of a math class I have to take or if at all. I am sure that I'll have to at least take an algebra class, I just don't want to have to take something that's going over fractions and other basic arithmatic. That'd be easy, yes, but it'd also be very boring I suppose. I had the right word but then I lost it. I should probably get dressed and get my things together for when Jeff arrives to pick me up. I am nervous, but I'm sure I'll do fine overall. 

I'll post back when I get home tonight.

Approaching...

As the days pass, the time to take my placement tests approach. I'm gradually growing more and more nervous about the math portion. I don't necessarily have the time to study for the next few days because of work. I'm thinking of cleaning off my makeshift desk so that I can use it for studying and taking my pretests. I need to be able to sit at a surface, but with it being so obscenely hot downstairs I can't use the kitchen table. Which makes me even more worried about the fact that if we are still living here, I won't have a quiet place to study or do my homework. I could work in my room on my makeshift desk, but Jeff would follow me upstairs and he can't seem to be in the room without the t.v. on. And seeing as how I find having music on relaxing as I study, that wouldn't quite work out now would it?

I'm nervous about going to classes, being in a room with a bunch of people I don't know. I know I've talked about my social awkwardness before, but I've never really gone into great detail. Well here it goes. I suffer from anxiety and depression. Depression from not having the ability to cope with the death that I was presented with at an early age. I didn't have anyone to talk to about it, to confide in, to help me understand. It grew gradually worse as my friends started dropping like flies.

I've always been really shy, but I suppose it wasn't until I moved back to NY that I started suffering from the anxiety. My heart would start racing, I'd get shakey, and start hyperventilating. It's grown increasingly hard to overcome now that I'm married. But as long as I have someone with me the first few days I'm okay. That doesn't work so well with a new job, a new job it takes longer to gain my bearings, but at school it'll be even harder. My mind will be wandering endlessly about whether the person behind me is looking over my shoulder and watching me doodle, or looking at the back of my neck. Things that shouldn't be such a big deal right? Well, for most people I suppose it's not.

I imagine that until I get my own car, I'll be hanging out in the library in between classes, which is actually good because then I can have a little bit of me time to study and do homework before I'm back home in the hectic environment. I'm rather looking forward to going to school. I'll not only be able to meet new people.. but I'll be able to be smart again. I've really felt my intelligence drop. Well that's enough for tonight I suppose.

Oh! Update on my 'Little Monkey Man'! He's doing really great. He weighs in at 2lbs 9oz! He's off of his anti-biotics. Each day they are droping his SATS so maybe soon he'll be off the ventilator for good! He's upgraded to the big boy diapers, and making his own poopies! So yay for Colby!!!

If Only...

If only I had gotten my shit together. I could've been in LA with you. I could've been hanging out with you in Fernley. I wouldn't have so many questions, especially about if Teenie is preggo. But I've lost touch over the past few years, and now I can't seem to find the will to ask you questions. I feel like I'm intruding on your life. But this was the path I chose, and maybe it's time I give up on wanting to be apart of your life.

Well, I suppose on a Happier note, I am studying for my placement exams. And you're probably thinking, why are you studying for that? Well, because I haven't been in school in almost 8 years. Aside from fractions I use in baking, I don't remember most of it. I also have to brush up on some algebra so that maybe I might be able to skip math or at least not have to take so much of it. Of course, the reading and writing portion will go swimmingly. I read constantly, as much as I can, so it's a bit easier to remember the things that I've learned. And also wanting to be a writer, I practice all of that on a daily basis as well. So just a bit of brush up.

If we can swing it, I want to take three classes. I want to take English and History, and maybe a Humanities course called Coping with Life and Death. Mostly, I want to see how I can handle three classes. I mean I used to take six classes a day in high school right? Well I cut that in half and threw in a little bit of work. I think I can do it as long as I can find a quiet place to study or something. I might be spending an obscene amount of time at the library. If only....